Monday, November 26, 2012

I am so bad...and boring!

I started a post here a few weeks ago, the computer ate my post...so, I did what all normal people would do. I closed the browser and focused on something else :P

Since I last posted, a lot has gone on.

The long and short of it?

I've been in two weddings--Congrats to the Ceron's and the Waters'!

I've gained some poundage back--boo to those pounds!

I've done A LOT of decorating--love that! It's so fun!

I've proscratinated on studying for my licensure test--boo!

Finally, I've started running again :)

I think the last time I posted here, I was still running. However, I stopped. Like, stopped all together. I went to spin, walked a bit...but, no running.

I've returned to this sport and I love it. I am now running with my dog, a black lab. Oh yea, not sure I ever posted that here. I got a black lab in May. He is so sweet and a great running buddy.

We I am training for a half in December. I was sort of dreading it, but now I am excited about it.

I am also doing a lot of re-thinking my food intake. While I was absent, I got pulled back into a dark eating place. I am proud to say that I am clawing my way out. It's been 2-3 weeks and no binging :)

So...with that, I will return to blogging.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Confessions of a silent blogger

I can't believe it's been a month since I last posted!

In my defense, I started a post about 2 weeks ago, but didn't hit send. My ADHD went in overdrive and I was doing a million and one other things while trying to post and just forgot about hitting send...

I think the post was about self sabotage...

Yea, that's me...I have been doing amazingly well on WW, and then bam, I self sabotage.

I am coming back from a very bad binge I had last week.

Right before the binge, I had actually had a very good WW week. I hit my 5% and 10 pd lost. I was feeling good. I got through a weekend of temptation eating...and then BAM, Tuesday, I was driving home and the *feeling* just hit me.

People look at me like I am crazy when I say I feel like I am an addict when I am in binge mode. It's like a physical feeling that takes over me. The feeling starts in my arms and then goes to the pit of my stomach. When I eat what I am craving, it's like that need inside of me is physically met.

Anyway, I got that feeling on the way home...I told myself, I would get something small. I had some skittles that were leftover in my car (from like 4 months ago), I ate those and told myself to stop. I kept saying, "eat a few and be done"...as I was putting handfuls in my mouth.

Then I stopped at the store under the guise of getting a Redbox movie. Funny thing is, I have moved into the new house and I can't find my DVD player. So...really, was I going to get a movie?

I got to the store and told myself, "something small"... I ended up buying a pack of generic oreos and Popchips.

I ate a few cookies in my car and I kept saying to myself "these aren't even good, it's not hitting the spot"....but I kept eating and eating.

When I got home, I bypassed the Popchips and went straight for the unopened back of Tortilla chips left over from my sister's shower.

I felt sick.

I vowed that I'd do better the next. The next day (fourth of July), I even started out well...

Then, I went to my parent's house for a BBQ and started with the junk.

Needless to say, I went to bed feeling gross and disgusted in myself on wednesday night.

I am now dealing with that disgusting feeling of feeling fat and full.

I have regained all but 5 of what I had lost...and it's not coming off.

What the heck is wrong with me?

I have really been evaluating myself lately.

I was reading a weight loss board I go to and someone said that they feel entitled to eat. That's me!

It's like I feel like it's my right to overindulge/binge.

I am really working on this mindset and I am going to try to focus on not feeling entitled to eat. Overeating is not a good feeling. It's gross. So, why should I feel ENTITLED to make myself feel gross?

I did not intend for this post to be about binging...but I guess that's what I've been avoiding for the last days.

It feels good to get that out!

Now, onward and downward :)

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Happy National Run Day!




Sorry I've been MIA the last few days...ok, few weeks. I've been busy at work, and I don't like blogging from my iPad at home. I need to get a computer at home. When I do, watch out!

In the meantime, it's National Running Day!!

I started the day off with a nice, fast (for me) 3 mile run. It was awesome. I got a little gastric distress towards the end, so I ended the run right AT 3 miles. I got a new pair of shoes, which helped the awesome-ness of this run.


Oh, happy day...I needed a good run.

I decided to write 5 reasons why I like to run in honor of National Running Day. On the way to work, I told myself I'd right 25 reasons...but as I was thinking about the reasons, I only came up with 5. So...

1. I run for fitness. Running for fitness goes without saying, but I thought I would mention it. I run because it keeps me fit and healthy.

2. I run for my sanity. I have a very high stress job...well, when I started running, I HAD a high stress job. I left that job, and while my job is low stress, it takes a lot out of me emotionally. I run as my me time. I am therapist by day, so I give a lot of myself to others. I take on a lot of other's problems. I need an outlet for my own problems--running fits that bill. When I run, I can daydream, I can service plan, I can plan weddings, I can plan to take over the world, I can plan a family, I can plan so much and it is always done perfectly and on point in my 'rundreams.' I feel refreshed and sane when I finish a run.

3. I run to lift my booty and reduce the size of my legs. I have a large lower body. My butt and legs are ONLY reduced by running. I've tried to stop running and do other stuff, but my butt and legs come back with a vengeance. So...I run to keep them in check.

4. I run to attain new physical goals.

5. I run to brag. 'nuff said about that.

Notice I didn't say "I run to eat"...many people say this, and it makes me roll my eyes. I gain weight when I run and eat what I want. I think running to eat is a bit of a myth ;)

Happy Running Day!!!

Get your run on!

Friday, May 25, 2012

Dear God, it's me, the slogger

I don't really have a topic to write on this week, but I thought I'd do a confessions style blog.

Here are all my ran-dumb thoughts for the week, day, hour, minute:

1. I lost 1.6 at WI on wednesday. I am in WL challenge, and WI'd in for that this morning. I lost another .2 since wednesday, bringing my total weight loss for the week to 2 pds. Whoop!

2. My house has to be completely re-wired (electricity)...the first phase of that is happening tomorrow. I've never been so excited to see a new breaker box sitting in my living room. We are hoping that the new breaker box will kick the AC on, at least for one summer!

3. Weddings are expensive. No, I am not even getting married...just have two very close people in my life who have chosen to get married within 3 months of each other. I AM super excited about getting dressed up and standing up with my girls. I am also excited about throwing my sister a bridal shower, buying something she has wanted for a long time as her shower gift, and giving my sister's wedding speech. It's going to be so cool to see my older sister get married. I mean, we are still kids, right? I can't even imagine us being old enough to get married. I am equally excited about my bestfriend's wedding. It is a different feeling for her wedding vs. my sister's, though.

4. I have had a good running week this week:
Monday-3.1 Recovery run
Tuesday-Spin
Wednesday-rest
Thursday-3 miles of speed work-.5 w/u, .2, .4, .6, .2, .2, .2, cool down jog. I ran the intervals at a pace between 9:40 and 9:22. My fat legs were booking it!
Friday-strength training (will do tonight)
Saturday-6 mile run (planned)

5. Men are so funny and weird. I am in a weird place with regards to relationships. I am FINALLY settled and not 'searching.' It's a freeing, good feeling. I love not feeling that yearning every moment of every day. I have had some interesting conversations with men lately and it's so nice to hear their perspective. It also solidifies what I want and need. Must.Not.Settle.

6. I love my new puppy. He is just a big ball of love and so sweet. This morning he tried to climb his very big self into my lap while I was eating breakfast. I love when he has his innocent puppy eyes on. So cute!

7. I also love my kitty. She is such a constant in my life. Never leaves my side and always seems to know when I need lovin'. She hates her brother, though. Her brother is afraid of her, too. He cracks us all up when he is running from her. It's sheer terror, which is funny because she is about 10 pds and he is about 50.

8. I really want to be a WW leader. When I sat in my first meeting since returning, the feeling of being a leader just hit me. I have gotten comments about me being a leader before, but it was never what I wanted to do. However, now the feeling is SO real. I am hoping that carries me to goal. I would love to run a 100+ meeting. I love seeing people lose very large amounts of weight without any interventions. It's grueling, it takes a long time, it's rewarding. I want to someday help others get to their goals!

9. I am having so many daydreams about sitting on my patio, sipping wine. I can't wait to move in!

10. I want a garden. Like a huge flower and vegatable garden. Must make that happen.

10+1. I bought a lot of paint this weekend. I am trying my hand at painting some wooden furniture my mom was going to throw out. That can be a disaster. ;)

I am looking forward to a good, sunny, productive weekend!

Monday, May 21, 2012

Weekend Eats Report

Some bloggers do race reports.

I do Eat Reports.

Let's start with Friday.

I started the day with a 30 min full body workout. I hurt all over. But felt so good. I went into the day knowing I would be challenged with my eating. I had three different eating out engagements.

My friend wanted to meet for lunch, my coworkers planned happy hour, and my soon-to-be brother-in-law wanted to go out to eat with a few friends for his birthday. Lots of planning and worrying.

Due to time constraints, lunch with my friend was cancelled. I ended up picking up a soup from Whole Foods on the way into my office. Happy Hour was also good. I was starving so I went ahead and ate dinner plus had ONE drink. It helped that my coworkers also only had one round...so it didn't look awkward to just have one round of drinks. Dinner was good, also. I didn't eat with the crew, but I had a small piece of cake. I went to bed feeling GOOD. I stuck to my plan!

Saturday started out with a 5 mile run. I also had plans to go look at a 9 month old Lab puppy. I had to drive about an hr and a half out of town to pick him up. So I ate a snack on the way out. My sister wanted to stop somewhere on the way home. I ended up stopping at Wendy's and got a small frosty and a small chili. My parents had been out of town for a week, so they wanted to go out to dinner when they got home. We went to TX Roadhouse. I really wanted ribs. So I got the Ranger Meal Rib Basket. 4 baby back ribs and fries (yes, fries). I did NOT eat a roll! I did have another piece of birthday cake and a bite of Reese's PB egg. I went to bed feeling good again.

Sounds good, right?

Well, then Sunday had to come and ruin the brag.

It starts really well. I had a good breakfast, took my new puppy for a walk (yes, I got him!)...then I had to go to my house to let the electrician in to do the electrical work I need done so I can FINALLY move. Umm...guy wasn't there. Stayed there until 10. Finally I got a voicemail saying his mom had a stroke and he wouldn't be coming. Can I have ANY worse luck with regards to this house??

I was in a bad mood all day, pretty much.

I tried to control myself. We went to Costco and I rationed my samples. I also got one scoop of Pistachio Gelato. That stuff is CALORIC! When I went to journal, I ended up with no points, plus going into my weeklies and I didn't even eat dinner.

I basically said, eff it, and ate 2 heaping spoonfuls of Biscoff Spead, 2 mini butterfingers and 1 devil's food cake.

I felt SICK and pissed at myself last night. What type of rationale is it to FURTHER over eat when I was out of points?

I am taking to public humilation. I wrote a note to myself and outlined WHAT I ate and made it my lockscreen on my phone.

This morning is a new week. I am scared that I won't have a loss...but I am going to give it a good try until Wednesday.

In other news:

I got a puppy. His name is Sam, Sammy, Samuel or...Cash. LOL. He came to me with the name Cash. I don't really like it. I think he looks like a Sam, but sometimes Cash does come out when I call him. He is such a good dog. He knows I am his master, so he basically trots after me all day. He is also full on lab puppy. He has one speed-fast! The older dog and cat hate him. Poor thing :( I love him, though. I went from being ambivalent about getting a puppy to thrilled. He is just what I need--energetic to run with, but calm at home.

I am in my second week of operation 2:45 half marathon. I've some really good runs, but I have been sore. I need new shoes. I must get those this week, find my garmin charger--it got lost in the move, and get a camelback.

I think that's all the 'other news' I have.

Ta-ta for now!

Thursday, May 17, 2012

First week back results!

I am happy to report that my first week back to Weight Watchers yielded a 6.4 loss! Yay!

I was elated when I saw the nice drop. I am elated that I have been following the program and not trying to cheat.

Yesterday we spoke about how to outsmart the grocery store. Since I have been on this journey, I typically don't buy cookies and chips (as a rule). I normally shop the periphery of the store.

However, yesterday as I was sitting in the meeting, I started to think that the junk doesn't enter my life on normal grocery shopping trips. The junk (and the extra money I spend) comes when I am craving something mid-week. I have decided to only shop once a week! I think once a week will help me not make impulse stops to the store for a bottle of wine, a box of cookies, a bag of chips, a package of twizzlers (that I ate in one sitting the week before last).

I am really going to focus on being honest with myself.

Last night at the meeting a lady made lifetime. As I saw there watching her get all of her lifetime stuff, I didn't think "she *just* lost X" pds or "she has ONLY been on the plan for a few months"...I sat there, teared up a bit (dork-alert) and was genuinely happy for her. I have finally realized that weight is hard to lose, no matter what you are losing.

I also started to envision myself up there getting my lifetime stuff. I have never really put importance on lifetime status. I think I am going to aim for goal+lifetime.

I think this time I can do it. I just have to believe in myself!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Impulsivity is dangerous

One of my many endearing character traits is impulsivity.

My mom's favorite equation to teach me when I was a kid was:

A+B=C.

A=action
B=result
C=consequence

B has never really entered my life..

My favorite equation was

A ----------- C

~I stuck a key in an electrical socket when I was 4. The whole wall turned black. Thankfully, Chrysler made their key chains with leather. Apparently leather does something or doesn't do something with electricity?
~I greased the dog with vaseline when I was 6. Like totally greased him up. My mom was less than impressed.
~I wrote on my mom's new washer and dryer when I was 8--actually, I wrote on everything from the time I could write until I went to college...probably.
~I played chicken in the street (with a friend) until I was about 10. And got caught by a neighbor.
~I always spoke before I thought.
~I decided to move to NYC on a whim.
~I decided to get a tattoo on a whim. Woke up saturday morning and decided it would be a good day for a tattoo--did that three times.
~I got a tongue ring while just on a shopping trip to the mall.

I am not listing the dumb things I have done in vain...

I am trying to make the point that I am impulsive.

I get an idea in my head and I execute it without thought...

Why am I writing about this?

Well, I was reading a blog last week. The blogger is a Iron(wo)man, a 3:09 marathoner, an *athlete*. She was chosen to be an ambassador for Underarmor's 'I am beautiful' campaign. She set a goal and will meet it in 9 week.

You know where this going right?

I decided to set a goal and attain it in 9 weeks.

I set the goal to run a 2:45 half marathon on July 14, 2012.

The goal isn't the crazy part.

The crazy part is that I am willingly running a half marathon--13.1, in TX, in JULY.

How freaking crazy is that???

I am in the midst of working up a good training plan to help me get to that goal. I will also have to focus on hydration and salt replenishing in the high heat. The race start is 6:30 and the course will close at 9:30, so I am hoping the early start will help with the heat.

Besides the heat part, I am crazy excited that I actually have a goal pace. I have run 2 half marathon's with no real thought of pace.

I am looking forward to training and executing a fun/speedy (for me) race.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Motivation: The 'it takes too long' edition

I want to stay with the theme of motivation.

I have been thinking a lot about motivation since last wednesday.

While sitting in the meeting room, I was listening to the (very good) motivators that were being thrown out, but I couldn't help but think to myself, 'but what about those people who have been at this for YEARS'...how do THEY keep the motivation to persist?

That is the crux of my issue. It's something that stays on my mind, especially lately.

I have been at this since September 1999.

Roughly 12 years. In those 12 years, I have lost a lot-- but also went to college, went through a million relationships, went through several moves, and just lived life.

I have always been 80/20 with my weight loss goals. I think this is what has kept me from not gaining all of the weight back.

However, I always see people who have a lot to lose say, 'it takes so long' and get discouraged and stop.

Yes, it takes a long time; yes, it's tedious; no, it's not FAIR--but, when it's done, it's done!

I want to tackle another 40-50 pds. I wrote out my current motivators in my last post, but in this post, I want to highlight some reasons WHY I continue this and have for 12 years.

~I enjoy feeling comfortable in my own skin.
~I like not having to buy plus sized clothing.
~I like being the girl who workouts regularly.
~I like feeling in control--most of the time.
~I like when people say I inspire them.
~I like when I walk into a room, I don't feel insecure.
~I like being an example to my younger sister.
~I like not having to worry about if my stomach will touch the steering wheel of my car. (I remember being deathly afraid of this when I first started driving).
~I like not ever having to worry about breaking a chair again. (I did this once)
~I like not ever having to worry about getting on a crowded elevator. (I hated when I got on and it would drop a little--mortified!)
~I like not worrying about being 'too fat' for a date. I feel like I am normal enough, that men don't notice the 'extra' pds ;) (this one could just be in my head)

I know there are a million more changes in my life that losing weight has done. I know there are a million MORE changes that can happen if I lose more weight.

I try to look back at my journey, but also look ahead at my unwalked journey.

I have adopted the motto of "it never ends"...I think end dates, are just that. It ends, you move on to the next goal. However, with fitness, does it really ever end? Probably not. And I think that's normal!

So with that said, how is WW going?

Well, it's been a whole 4 days and I am doing very well, if I do say so myself! I got through a whole weekend of journalling and being on plan. I have 8 weeklies left, 24 activity points earned. I am still learning the tricks to the trade, but overall, I feel good and optimistic that this time could be it.


Friday, May 11, 2012

What Motivates You?

As promised, I rejoined Weight Watchers on wednesday.

I did well eating wise all day on wednesday; when I got home, I decided to have one last free for all... I was lying down on my pallete in my room (yes, all my stuff is at the new house, but for reasons beyond my control, I haven't physically moved in..yet), and contemplated not going to the meeting. You know how the song goes, 'I will do better tomorrow', 'I don't need weight watchers telling me what to eat', 'I don't have an extra 40.00 42.95 a month' ...my stomach turned from the overwhelming amount of food I consumed, and before I could even stop myself, I got in my car and headed to the meeting.

The topic was so fitting--"What Motivates You!"

The leader was standing at the front telling her story of how she came to weight watchers. Everyone was going around the room stating reasons they are motivated. I sat in my seat racking my brain for motivation reasons.

Don't get me wrong, when I started this journey, I had plenty of reasons--we will just call them "Dalvin", then "Will"...oh and vanity.

But 12 years in, nearly 100 pds down (had a regain)...

What motivates me?

I decided to really think of a list of motivators. I think part of my issue with not getting the rest of the weight off is that I am complacent. I get to a weight of about 168-175 and feel good. Ironically, I get a lot of dates around 175. 168 I feel good, fit into a 10...and then I decide to reason with myself about losing the rest.

So here is the list:
My sister's wedding on 8/25. I do not want to go to her wedding not feeling 'fly'. I am the maid of honor, I will be speaking at the reception. I want to stand up, in my kickass dress, nice shoes, impeccable curly hair and feel like I am 'the bomb'. I don't want to feel frumpy, fat, or like I have to hide behind my little sister (who will be standing up with me during the speech).

My bestfriend's wedding on 10/19. Again, I just want to feel FLY! I don't want to be the one in the bridal party calling myself fat, or hiding behind someone. I want to look how I feel -- most of the time.

A little ole marathon on 11/11/2012. I will be running my first marathon on 11/11. I want to toe that starting line as prepared as possible. I want to FEEL like my body can carry me 26.2 miles. I won't feel that way if I am carrying this extra weight.

I want to fit into ALL of my size 10s, and move on to size 8s.

I want a tummy tuck. I also don't want to refat my arms that I paid so much money for.

So those are just a few motivators. Of course, most are superficial and vain, but I have to be honest...I have no health issues, so vanity is my number 1 priority.

With that said, I have ONE full day on plan. 1 day down, 4490802432983283029 to go. :)

I am very proud of myself because yesterday, I had to work a full day, then go get my tires changed, then go to a performance at my sister's school. I didn't get home until almost 9pm. I was STARVING. Thankfully, I had a cliff bar in my car that I was able to eat between the tire shop and the performance, but those go right through me. When I get home, I did NOT binge, I just ate a smaller dinner (lots of fresh vegs) and had watermelon plus a 100 cal fudge bar.

CONTROL! Love it :)

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Hi, ho back to Weight Watchers I go!

I have been trying to do this on my own for about 2 years now. I do well, get off plan, gain, get back on a plan, lose, get off, gain, etc. Before I moved back to Houston, I would always go back to weight watchers when I had a gain. Since moving back, I haven't found a meeting I like, so I haven't rejoined. Well, after some thought, I am rejoining.

Yesterday I wore a pair of capris that I have had for several years. They were tight! Tight to the point of my not being comfortable in them.

Today I am wearing a pair of jeans that have always been loose on me. They are tight.

Something has to change.

Soo...I am going back to weight watchers. My ole faithful. I started losing weight and lost most of my 100 pds with weight watchers, so it's like going home, actually.

I am actually looking forward to weighing, the anticipation of a loss, the disappointment of a maintain or gain, the accountability, paying those people my 40/mo, etc.

I am a dork, I know. However, losing weight is all I know...so I am sort of looking forward to being accountable again.

Another side of me is angry that I can exercise 5-6 times a week, eat reasonably well (too much sugar, sure) and gain. I mean, I don't eat fast food, I don't drink sugared drinks, I rarely eat candy or chips, etc...but I still gain. That makes me a tad bit angry, but it's life. Accepting that I will always have to watch my weight and what enters my body is the hardest part of this journey.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

May Goals that I am actually sticking to!

I am so good at settings goals for myself...

My issue is sticking to them. I think I set the bar too high and then I get discouraged.

Last month, I completed a 30 Day Shred Challenge. I am SO proud of myself for completing the challenge. I did miss 2 days (that I will make up). While doing this challenge, I made Shredding my priority. So while I Shredded daily, I did not keep up with 3 runs a week or weekly spin.

I also didn't stick to any diet plan--unless, you want to count the 'eat whatever you want' or 'eat sugar until you want to puke' a diet..

This month, I have goals. I am turning 30 on friday. I hear people in their 30's actually have goals and want to do stuff with their lives...

So for the month of May, I will...

1. Do Ripped in 30 5 days a week. Thank Goodness our drill sergeant leader decided to allow 2 days of rest.

2. Crosstrain 3x a week. I WILL! I will either spin 2 days a week and run or run 2 days a week and spin. I am not putting a real perimeter on this. I just need the cardio+strength mix. I THINK I am bailing on the idea of a half in July. I think that may be a little crazy to do in TX heat. I will be running a 10 mile in October and the Marathon in November.

3. No sugar for 30 days. I am giving myself 6 passes. My birthday IS friday and while I am not doing anything special, I will have cake. I am also having a party for a group of boys I have been working with all year. The boys want cake! I will also have wine tonight...

I think that's enough for my commitment-phobe self.

Ran-dumb running/exercise thoughts (and why I want to lose weight #9)

Am I the only one that has wild thoughts, writes speeches, has arguments with people, creates to do list?

Like have you ever been spinning your heart out, and BAM your ex's ugly face comes into your head and says something that pisses you off?

Or, you are having a great run, you feel strong, you feel sexy and strong; then BAM, a comment a bitch made to you MONTHS ago resurfaces and you get all angry. And isn't it funny that when something like thsi happens, you have the perfect comeback?

Or, you are having a good run, and you start thinking about the kid who stepped on your foot when you were 10. You KNOW it was on purpose, so you go through a whole list of things you'd tell the kid.

Or, you are having a great spinning day and you start thinking about your sister getting married, so you start writing her speech? I may or may not have written my bestfriend AND my sister's wedding speeches, my commencement speech, my acceptance speech for Social Worker of the year. During all of this 'writing', I also teared up at the honor of being 'asked' to do these things. Yes, I am crazy.

Or, have you ever had a daydream so good, you didn't want to stop the exercise?

I love daydreaming and thinking. I am often found staring into space with deep thoughts. I often have trouble sleeping because of my thoughts. However, now with exercise, I find myself being able to channel the thoughts into the exercise.

It's funny ran-dumb thoughts while running also seem like dreams. Once I finish the run/exercise, they dissipate and I have to try to remember what I thought about.

I am obviously on a very good exercise high right now, can you tell? 

Reason #9
I want to lose weight because I want to fit into ALL of my size 10's and I want to get to size 8. When I first started losing weight, my goal was a size 12. I got to size 12, my goal became a 10. Now I would like to aim for an 8. I think I was able to fit into an 8 for about 3 mins. Now I am between a 10 (on a good day) - 12 (the rest of the time). Kidding, I fit into more of my 10's than 12's, but they are a bit tighter than I prefer. 

Today is also a very big day! This evening, the movers come! Yay! I just have a few more hours in between me, my stuff and an empty house that will soon be filled with my parent's old furniture. ;)

I also have two bottles of wine being chilled in the refrigerator. A glass of wine, my TV  and alone time await me!

Woohoo!

Monday, April 30, 2012

Reasons 4, 5, 6, 7, AND 8 why I want to lose weight, the move that never ends update and the race report that I didn't run

Holy shit that's a long title.

First, Reasons 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8 why I need to lose weight. I bet people thought I forgot. Nope, didn't forget. I've just been crazy busy NOT moving. ;)

Reason 4: To stay healthy. My sister who is overweight has high blood pressure. She had a scare last week with crazy HBP. That scares me and made me realize that I need to stay the course!

Reason 5: I love to move. I want to KEEP moving. I need to stay at a weight where I CAN move and be comfortable. In spin on friday, I felt so good, strong and powerful. At one point, I looked in the mirror while spinning hard and smiled at myself and thought "this is AMAZING, I love that I can move my body"

Reason 6: I love when people say "you are the smallest one in the group, so you can do A, B, C." Yes, I come from a family of 'big boned' people, so being 'the smallest one in the group', IS relative...but hey!

Reason 7: I want to continue to lose, because I love going to a party and not worrying about being the heaviest one there or caring what I eat in front of people. I went to a housewarming on saturday. I ate a piece of cake while there, and didn't have one thought about people thinking that I was too fat for cake. I also didn't even do a room scan to see who else was heavy. All fat people do this so let's not deny it ;)

Reason 8: I found some before pictures. I wanted to post them in this post, but they are on my phone...I'm on my computer...and my phone is losing batteries at only 11AM, so I need to conserve. Suffice to say, I was heavy in those pictures. They reminded me of how far I have come, and WHY I still do this after 12 years. I loved seeing those pictures.

I will try to do daily reasons. However, life sometimes gets in the way of blogging...

Second, the move that never happened...

Well, I was scheduled to move on Saturday. I reserved a Uhaul on friday, and was set to move saturday afternoon. My sister and her fiance were supposed to help. Saturday morning, they woke up and decided to go to the beach...so no help. Thanks, fam! My mom didn't want my dad and I to move alone, so she hired movers to move me this evening. Little did I know that I had a conflicting appointment...soo....it's happening tomorrow. TOMORROW!!!

Third, the 10k I never ran.

I was all hyped to go out and run this 10K. However, as the day wore on on friday...I was getting more and more worried about running 10K in the morning, moving in the afternoon, getting all my last minute stuff AND going to a housewarming in the evening. So the run was cut. I was relieved to sleep in on saturday and had a good day with my mom and little sister shopping...but,

I am slightly disappointed I didn't run. But it's ok! That's life...

My eating was not good saturday. I started the day with 2 hotdogs and chips...weird. I ended the day with cookie dough and a whole lotta junk in between.

Yesterday I woke up and was just done. I didn't eat too badly yesterday.

Today is a new day. I finish the 30 day Shred challenge this evening. Tomorrow I start Ripped in 30, and I will have to do 2 make up days for the Shred. We are also doing an elimination challenge. Basically, eliminating a trigger food. Of course, mine is refined sugar. I am just aiming for a month.

AND, Friday I turn 30!

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Why I want to lose weight Day 3

I want to lose weight to run a strong, safe, and healthy MARATHON in November.

Today IS the day that New York Road Runner does the lottery picks for the Marathon. I am SO excited and on pins and needles.

Yesterday, I actually took pics of my breakfast and lunch. However, I am on a computer and my pictures are on the phone! So disorganized.

My menu from yesterday was:

Breakfast:
Omelet - 2 egg whites, 1 egg; ham slices and cheese
Coffee

Lunch:
Salad with red pepper and avocado (a fav right now)
Stuffed chicken breast
Ranch

Snacks: (this is where the day gets hairy)
Pineapple
2 dove dark chocolate squares
Luna Bar (got hungry on the way home...)
Chocolate covered almonds (umm...)
2 glasses of wine (what a weird craving......)
1 serving of trail mix

Umm..eek!

Dinner:
One enchilada
Salad

My issue yesterday was that I started snacking when I walked through the door. I saw the almonds and grabbed 2-3, then went back for 2-3 more, and so it goes...

This morning, I woke up and did the 30 day Shred. It felt good to work my body out! I can't believe I've gotten through most of the month of that challenge. It makes me feel so good!

Now off to continue to do busy work until I know about the marathon.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Since I can't beat it, I might as well join it...

It is 'the diet'...

In an effort to curb my cravings, I decided to write a nice list of things that would happen in a perfect world.

Wouldn't it be nice if:

1. Chocolate had no calories? Wouldn't it also be nice if dark chocolate had no calories. I mean it's 'good for you', why can't I eat it in mass quantities? I'd settle for vats full of dark chocolate. I don't need milk chocolate to be happy.

2. If you lost weight, and got a banging body. My body resembles the body of a 65 year old woman. No matter how much running, weight training or praying I do, it sags. Shouldn't the reward for starving yourself be a banging body? Another unfair thing is that since I am up 7 pds, my breast are looking nice...but when I lose the 7 pds, they will deflate along with my extra tummy I've acquired. What's the fairness in that?

3. Why does hunger have to come so often? I mean, I am hungry every few hours. Why can't hunger just go away when you decide it's time to lose?

4. Why can't chips be one of the food groups? And cake, also. Why can't cake be one of the food groups? I'd settle for just frosting being added. Cake is just the vehicle.

5. Why do carbs have to be the enemy? I know, I know it's not a REAL enemy, but let's be real...nothing 'healthy' starts with white flour.

6. Why can't dried fruit be counted as fruit?

7. Why can't I just naturally pick healthy food? One of my friends posted that age old picture of food from fast food restuarants that never 'go bad'...I mean, I hardly eat fast food. But, if I had a choice, I'd choose fast food over a salad for lunch. The picture is intended to make you think fast food is ick, but all it did was make me want a hamburger and fries. Not that I will eat one anytime soon, or have eaten one anytime soon...but pictures liked that don't deter me. The only thing that REALLY deters me is the expense of fast food.

Aside from fast food, if given the choice, I always want the unhealthy option. I only choose the healthier option most of the time because 1. I get embarassed when others see me eat 'bad' and 2. I do have a tiny bit of fear of regaining my weight! Ok, a HUGE fear...

8. Why can't exercise sub healthy eating? I love to exercise. I exercise to meditate, to day dream, to think, to relax, to be alone...not just for weight loss. But wouldn't it be nice if you committed to exercising 2 hrs a day, you could be magically be at your goal weight?

9. Wouldn't it be nice if weight loss was truly like science and predictable. What if you commit to losing 50 pds in 365 days. Roughly a pd a week. Wouldn't it be nice if you made this committment that it would happen? It's not fair that you can do everything right..ok, MOST things right, and it still might not happen?

10. Wouldn't it be nice if weekends didn't count against you? I mean I follow a mean diet during the week, but I'll be damned if Friday doesn't come every freaking week to derail me.

In a perfect world, I tell you...

Why I want to lose weight day 2 and my journal

I want to be in control.

My journal. Umm, I forgot to take pictures of everything! Who does that? It was the first day...

But, this is what I ate:

2 egg whites, 1 egg
Slice of cheese
Turkey
Coffee with natural bliss creamer

Salad with avocado and red pepper
Chicken breast
Pineapple
2 bliss dark chocolate squares

Ribs
Salad with avocado
2 servings of trail mix

30 day shred level 3, day 3 or 4.

I did not eat the jalapeƱo flavored fritos that were calling my name when I walked through the door. I did not stop and get nuts when I was "hungry" on the way home.

I did go to bed insanely early last night. The night before, I didn't sleep well.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Why I want to lose weight day 1

I need accountability and to remind myself why I'm on this journey. So don't be surprised if you see me posting this type of message on a daily basis for the next 30 days.

I want to lose weight to get stronger.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

It's Sunday and I need some structure...

For the last few months, I have just been coasting along. I have so much going on, I feel like my life is going at warp speed.

When life gets busy, the first thing to go by the wayside is diet. Exercise is fine...it's always the diet. It all starts with good intentions. I allow one treat, that leads to two, that leads to three...which then leads, to months long treats and me recommitting to myself when I feel gross.

Well, today is the end of that (for now--not ever. Life does get in the way, and that's ok, IMO. I think the key is knowing when to reign it in). I haven't been journalling at my fitness pal. I was going to get a notebook to write in, but I think I need some public embarrassment. I'm going to start taking pics and uploading them on the blog. I'm going to commit to doing this for a month. So from tomorrow (lol) until May 23rd, you will be seeing my repetitive meals, my slip ups and the good food.

I am in the midst of a 30 day Shred challenge. That ends on May 1st. The group and I will then start Ripped in 30 for the month. In addition to that, I will be training for a half that's on July 9th. That will either kill me or make me stronger for the marathon in November. My goal for that race is 2:45. I can do it, I just need to do it. I have a 10k on Saturday. I will do it in 1:15 or less. I'm aiming for 1:12, but I haven't run much at all this month, so I need to take that into consideration when setting my goal.Now that I've gotten that out, I feel better!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Do people ever stop trying to achieve just one.more.thing?

I have never really thought of myself as a go-getter. I actually think of myself as lazy and a little too undriven.

However, when I sit down to reflect, maybe I am just lazy-driven... Driven into laziness? LOL. No, may be my drive just gets lazy at times. But when is being driven too much, when is laziness OK? I have a hard time figuring out the balance in being driven and lazy. I need to find a balance in knowing my limits and just relaxing and enjoying life.

When I think back on my life, I've always been working on something. Let's do a little timeline:

First goal was weight loss. I started in my senior year of high school, and chased that goal until I was down 100 pds--5 years later. See where the driven meets lazy?

Second goal was running. I chased that goal until I could run without dying. But again, my mile times aren't stellar. I still am between a 12-13mm. Again, lazy meets driven.

Third goal is maintenance.  I have maintained for 7 years now, but at a higher than normal goal weight. It's not easy to maintain, so I do feel I am successful. But again, I am not at a 'goal' weight others aspire to be at. So, again, driven/determination meets lazy/complacent.

Aside from my physical goals, I've also had a lot of career/school goals.

When I graduated high school, I really had no plans for the future. I vaguely wanted to be an attorney, but I didn't really know what kind. Actually I did know what kind, I wanted to be an advocate/attorney for the parents of special needs children. I could get in to why this goal was so specialized, but it's too long of a story.

Back to when I graduated high school--no goals, I was just told you have to go somewhere in the Fall. I went from High School to a Junior College. Something happened, the driven side of me must have taken over, and I excelled and did really well. I got accepted to a respectable out of state Private U and did well.

I got all the way to the end of my undergraduate career and still didn't know what I wanted to do. During that time, my goals changed and I wanted to do Social Work. I thank Dr. Petrie for introducing me to this underpaid, overworked, but very rewarding field. I knew I wanted to go to social work school post UG, but I didn't know what I wanted to do with the degree or what type of job I wanted...

My first job out of colllege literally fell into my lap. I was hired on from my internship. See, I am not TOO unmotivated!

From my first job, my friend convinced me to take a test to get hired on with the city. So I did, I was hired and I stayed there for 3 years while attending graduate school.

I spent 4 years in graduate school--part-time--and still didn't know what I wanted to do.

I fell into the Child Protection field and have sort of stayed here. Right now I do preventive/trauma work, but still with a similar focus that I've always had in work.

Very long story, long...

I am at the point in my career where I am about sit for my second licensing exam. There are two levels of licensure for Social Work. I attained my first level when I graduated, and I have been working for the second level for the last 2 years. Again, I didn't even want to do a clinical track, but I did it because my job came along and basically paid me to work towards my licensure.

You see? Driven meets Lazy.

It's really hard to reconcile how I have gotten to this high level of intelligence (funny, saracasm!) with other people putting bugs in my ear and me just listening.

Why am I writing this post?

Well, because when is enough, enough? I am studying for my next test.

But, what's on my mind? Law School!

Law School has been on my mind since the day I was born, probably. I have always been fascinated by the Law and I have always wanted to do something IN law.

But then I ask myself, why? Why do I want to become an Attorney? I have gotten one Master's, I can probably live a long healthy life with my career.

When I ask myself this question, I also wonder, 'when is enough enough'...do people ever reach a level of satisfaction when they stop seeking the next achievement?

For the last few YEARS, I have trying to calm the law school bug down. I tell myself more loans, STRESS, the Bar, getting in to a good school, taking the LSATS, etc.

But...then I start dreaming of actually practicing law. Helping people. Just furthering my scope of advocacy.

Hopefully, my laziness will kick in and stop me from researching schools, LSAT scores, acceptance requirements.....

I am so glad I named this blog Confessions of a Slogger vs. Let's Run or something silly like that...

I do more confessing than talking about running. ;)

Monday, April 16, 2012

I am so distracted-MONDAY!!

It's not like I don't have a ton to do, but I am so distracted.

My thoughts are:

BABIES!!

and

Good Men!

Why am I thinking about those two things on a monday morning? Umm...because I am single woman and have neither.

Babies are just in the back of my mind. I do not think they are a fresh, must have tomorrow, want. Just a turn that my brain has made. For several years, I shut my mind off to the idea of children. Now, suddenly, my brain is saying, "you want babies!"...but before I can have one,

I must get a GOOD MAN.

Why are good men on my mind? Well, because I've been running across several in my normal life and it's just making me realize that I want one. Not tomorrow...but one day.

I think about my dating history, and the guys I typically date. They are typically--good looking, dark, tall (one shorty thrown in there), flashy, and appealing. They have all had different things that attracted me to them. They also had one thing in common--ARROGANCE!! I don't think I've ever dated a man that wasn't arrogant in some way. They have all been nice men, imo...but they were all arrogant. It was disguised as 'confidence', but if I was honest...it was arrogance.

I am not trying to say that arrogant men can't be nice guys but they are typically too wrapped up into themselves to be just a nice guy.

I'm trying to get out of sizing a guy up before showing my interest. I think I am finally getting to a point in my life where the qualities of a guy matter. I mean, qualities have always mattered...but looks came first.

I am trying to change this about myself.

I will just talk about a few nice men who have been on mind...they are all taken, so no need to ask ;)

First is a guy I used to date. When I was dating this guy, I was dating one other guy and my ex came back into my life. This guy was the nice guy of the bunch. We met on Plenty of Fish. Our first meeting was at Starbucks. The guy was INTO ME. He was so nice, he listened, he asked questions...he planned the second date on the first. Everything a girl wants, right? Um.. a normal girl, I suppose. We went on date number 2. He was attentive, he chose a FUN date, we had fun. What was wrong? Well, I kept telling myself that I didn't feel any chemistry, he wasn't physically what I'd normally go for, etc. At the time, I was also dating a bad boy. This guy didn't call regularly or anything, but he was appealing. I was chasing HIM hard, while the nice guy was chasing me hard...insert the REAL bad guy, my ex. My ex came back and both the nice guy and the bad boy were basically history. My ex was my 'true' love and when he came back, I didn't have time for either.

Anyway, nice guy called me several times to try to get back with me...but I completely ignored him. When my ex burned me about a year later, the nice guy reached back out to me and asked if he could have another chance. I just wasn't 'ready'...

Well, fast forward and he with a nice girl. I am happy for him, I am...he deserves someone that can see his goodness, but why the freak was I so vain?? I am still kicking myself for not seeing that this man was a nice guy and probably would have worshipped the ground I walked on!!

Nice guy number 2 is a guy I work with. We have never had a relationship or anything, but he is just a geniunely nice guy. He is so nice to his girlfriend. I contract with his agency, and he makes me feel comfortable whenever I come in! Most recently was this morning, his agency is doing something and my office was taken over by stuff. He called to ask if I was coming in, when I told him yes...he cleared a spot for me to have a place to work. It made my heart melt. He is just a geniunely NICE person. His girlfriend is very lucky!

The next guy is a guy at a school I do groups in. He is the Assistant Principal of discipline. So basically, he disciplines--all.day. I LOVE how he is with the boys. He is TOUGH on them (it's an all boys school. The school is the last stop before juvenile for a lot of the boys)...but he is SO respectful to them.  I love how he can demand respect, but still let THEM maintain their self respect. I also love that when I did an activity with the boys to identify the people in their life that they can trust, about 50% of the boys named him. Um...~swoon~ A bonus is he is dreamy, lol...hey, a girl has eyes!

I have luckily had a lot of good encounters with nice guys. I love these encounters, because it's makes my conviction at wanting one and getting one even stronger.

Now that I have gotten this out of my head, hopefully I can work!

Oh yea, this is supposed to be a diet and fitness blog... let me update on that quickly.

Fitness:
I am doing a Daily 30 Day Shred Challenge. I am 15 days in and loving it! My other cardio has reduced, but it's for the best!

Diet:
Eh, could be better!

Ta-ta for now :)

Friday, April 13, 2012

Happy Friday!

It's friday, and I am having deep thoughts. 

I should not be having deep thoughts on friday.

I should be at happy hour, but it was cancelled. I am secretly happy, but sound like a nerd for being happy...so I will be sad :(  What ever will I do with myself...Sit at home, in my PJs, and watch trash TV...#storyofmylife.

Losing weight and people who have lost weight have been on my mind lately.

It all started on sunday when I was just sick and fat feeling after a weekend of eating junk. It continued when I watched "My 600 pd life" on Monday. It has continued, when I see/hear people who get caught up in where they need to go vs. what they have done.

I have so many thoughts on this topic, but I'd like to really detail them, so I will not go into them today! I will though...

I have a lot of thoughts on losing weight. When I first started losing weight, I imagined a whole new life for myself. When I got to 100 pd lost, I had the same life. At each big milestone, I'd expect this huge change to occur...it never happened.

I think people who embark on this journey just don't realize how up and down the journey can be.

So...I will be a good little blogger and think about the subject and break down my thoughts.

In the mean time, I will be having a good weekend and finishing painting...it's almost done!!

I have set my move in date for next weekend. NEXT. WEEKEND.

That is so close, I can feel it in my bones.

Alright, I must go...

:)

Monday, April 9, 2012

Overwhelmed

Have you ever been so overwhelmed, you become paralyzed into inaction?

I feel like that at the moment.

I feel like my whole life is up in the air. Yes, that's dramatic, but I seem to do dramatic best. It's funny because to others, I think I look so put together and able to handle a lot. But the truth is, I tend to shut down and not tell others my fears and worries, especially when things are so uncertain.

Today I had my last clinical supervision. I never wanted to do clinical supervision. But, while meeting with my supervisor, I had to fight back tears. She has taught me SO much and really exhibited what I want to be as a social worker. She is also so good at validating my thoughts/fears/ideas. It's a bitter-sweet ending. However, like she said, it's also exciting. With my new level of licensure, I will have more delegating powers and more freedom to do contract work.

However, what also comes with the licensure is the ever present 'what's next' question. What is next? I have no clue! I am working on just living in the moment and not thinking about tomorrow, but that's like next to impossible. I am already planning 'what's next'... a job move? more schooling?

Also, if that wasn't enough...the move! This is never ending move. Ok, people always said BUYING a house was hard. BUT, just getting this house move-in ready is overwhelming. It's like one thing gets done, another pops up. It IS just about done, but I need to get the ceilings and baseboards painted. I had a guy do a lot of the work I couldn't do, but I told him I'd do the baseboard and ceilings...how silly I was to think that would be easy work. I will be calling him back out to complete that. Other than that, it is ready to move in. Umm...hello, scary!! I hope the boogeyman leaves me alone.

Also, if that wasn't enough...I AM TURNING 30 NEXT MONTH. Ok, for the last year I have vacillated between being totally COOL that I am turning 30, to freaking the fuck (excuse my French) out. I think when I was 20, I had grand dreams of being married with 2.5 children, being rich AND having an awesome career.

Let's access those goals:

Married-negative
Children-negative, double negative to 2.5
Being rich-NEGATIVE--OMG, why didn't I realize 'getting rich' at 20 wasn't something that just happened?
Awesome Career? Ok, that's debatable. I am actually cool with where I am career wise.

Entering 30 is intimidating. I think people will start expecting more out of me. In the last 3-6 months, my mom has been trying to set me up with everyone from the garbage man, to the UPS guy, to the contractor who worked on my house!! LOL. Geesh. Poor thing is getting scared.

I think that's all that's changing....

Oh, and my sister is getting married, my best friend is getting married. RE: MORE money being spent.

Soo...

With all that change comes eating. I am an emotional eater. I have been emotionally eating for far too long. My cycle is do well, fall off, do well, fall off...that cycles just creates the feeling of bloat, disappointment and general disgust in myself!! I just need life to stop a bit, so I can focus on my eating.

I am going back to low sugar. I just have to.

I am also 8 days into a 30 Shred Challenge. That's actually pretty cool.

Alright, I've chatted enough...must go!

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Race Report for the DC RnR Half Marathon

I know I promised a race report last week, but I lost track of time and now it's another week!

I don't want to let another day pass before doing a full report.

My race report probably should start at the end of my first half marathon on November 19, 2010. After I finished my first half, I vowed to never do another one. I thoroughly enjoyed the first 10 miles, but felt the last 3.1 miles were totally unnecessary. I think I hated those last few miles because the smart race directors made them into a maze. So it was run a few yards, turn, etc. I still vividly remember my annoyance and anger that day!

Anyway, let's fast forward to this year. My friend is doing 4 half marathons this year. When she mentioned doing the half in DC, I jumped on the idea. I love DC!! I also wanted to have a girl's weekend more than run a half marathon. However, I am sucker for punishment, so I decided to go for the half.

I registered in August or September, so it took forever to get to March. Lots of time to ponder and wonder about how I would do. Thankfully, the time went by really fast, so not much time to freak myself out. I got through training relatively unscathed. I missed a few long runs due to the weather, but felt great fitness wise when I towed the start line.

Ok, enough of the background, let's get to race weekend...

The week leading up the race, I chose to do a lot of work to the new house--so I was in PAIN by the wednesday before the race. I was also physically tired. I took thursday and friday off and that helped me. I think being so busy the week before helped with pre-race jitters. I didn't get REALLY nervous until the night before the race. My friend was over the top with excitment...I was over the top with nerves.

Many thoughts ran through my head--can I do this again? Will I beat my time? Will I zonk out? Will I hit a wall? What happens after 10 miles? So many thoughts.

Finally, at some point during the night, I told myself, "Nichelle, you are running the half marathon, it will be ok....shut up"...sometime after those declarations, I went to sleep.

I woke up at 5:00AM to meet my other friends in the lobby to head to the race.

We got to the race super early, but it was actually good because we weren't rushing to the start or anything. We were able to use the restrooms--eww to the portapotties and mosey our way to the start.

The race started at 8AM, I didn't cross the start until 8:37. Right before crossing the start, I got a big wave of emotion and anxiety. My stomach turned a bit, but before I could even acknowledge it, I was crossing the start and I was running my second half marathon.

My friend and I had discussed race strategies. My plan was to stay with her and just let her carry us to the finish. She is a bit faster than me, but it wouldn't have been hard to focus and stay with her. However, right after I crossed the start, I decided to run my own race and lagged behind her. I am glad I made this decision. I struggle a lot with negative mental thoughts, so running my own race kept me in MY head, and not on struggling to keep up with another person.

I really wanted to remember something special for each mile, but I can't. The miles went by so fast and are a blur.

Here is what I remember:

Mile 1 is always the toughest.
Mile 2-4 were relatively easy.
Mile 4 was the White House. I love the White House. As I was passing it, I was imagining the first family eating breakfast, or the kids going to practices, etc. It was nice to think about. I was also excited to see that trees no longer hide the house. The last time I went to the WH, trees hid the whole house.
Miles 4-8 were straight uphill. What a bitch!! I also remember crossing the 10K line and thinking, "Man, I wish this was a 10k!"
Miles 8-12 were MORE hills. WTF?
Miles 12-13.4 (yes, 13.4!) went by really fast. I remember bargaining with myself. I told myself if I finished, I was NOT going to do a marathon. I actually thought about what I'd do if I got into NYC. (I decided to sell my entry LOL) I think that mile went by so fast because I was just writing off running.

When I crossed the finish, I actually almost started crying. I didn't even cry at my first half marathon (I think I was too angry to express any other emotion, LOL).

Do any other runners get amnesia? I swear, when I am writing this, I can remember the run. But I can't remember anything negative about it. The hills were big and steep, but I never once got angry at them. I just took them one by one.

Since the half, I've had time to think about my running. I feel like I am in such a zone.

I have signed up for three races!

10K on 4/28

5 or 10K on 5/5 (day after my 30th bday!)

And,

I WILL do a marathon in Novemeber (I am not sure if will be NYC or San Antonio).

Happy Running!!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Life is flying past me...

Since I was last here, when I vowed to be more regular, I haven't been back.

Well, let's see what's been happening:
I've painted a whole kitchen
I've cleaned a nasty refrigerator
I've been to Washington DC
I've tapered and ran a half marathon
I've completed a very important part of my professional development
I've worked
I've contemplated life and changes

Most of all, I've been crazy busy!

I will be back with a race report from the race.

Suffice to say, it was awesome!!

I am signed up for a 10K on 4/28. I am going for 1:12. That's a solid 12MM. I CAN do it, but will be able to?

Off to my next meeting :)

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Umm...where have I been?

I sat down to do a blog post last week. I actually started it and got half way through it, but just decided to stop writing. I felt like I was recapping my week and it was boring ME!

I have spent this time trying to figure out why I blog and what is the point?

I started this blog to write down my eats, random thoughts, and my running journey. But then, I think sometimes that gets boring. I read several blogs and everyone seems so with it and smart. They all sort of read like an episode of Full House. Start with tragedy, end with hugs and resolutions of better days.

What's my point? Not really sure...

But I realized, I do like blogging and writing my thoughts. I guess I need to not think about boring others, and realize that this is an outlet that I need to use.

So, here goes...

Since I last blogged, I have:

-Lost the 6 pds I gained, and lost an extra 3 pds. But then I went out of town this weekend, and gained back the 3+1.
-Had an awesome last long run before my half marathon on saturday!
-Painted the kitchen at the new place. I am still working on it, but it's almost complete. It will take a day or two more of work.
-Realized that men ARE necessary. See above.
-Have done really well with my eating.
-Eaten too much sugar. Oops..
-Decided that I AM doing the Disney marathon, if I don't get into NYC. (Please NYC, pick me! Pick me!!)
-Went to a concert. John Legend at the Rodeo. Hmm...the jury is still out on his concert. I wasn't impressed.
-Went on a girl's weekend trip with my family. No fussing or fighting. Win for us!

What's coming up:

-More painting!! Joy! I am also installing a backsplash into the kitchen. I am doing a mosaic backsplash. I am super excited, and super nervous that it will end up looking like DIY project.
-I am running my second half marathon on saturday, in DC!! Get EXCITED!!! I am :) I also realized all of my running tights are dirty. Guess I will have to do laundry!!
-Going to DC! I get to spend the weekend with my best single girlfriend, plus several other friends

So, as you guys can see, I have a lot going on. When I have a lot going on, I tend to get overwhelmed and shut down. It's a horrible habit, I am trying to break it...

I had to force myself to write this post.

I will now force myself to get my thoughts out, instead of allowing them to invade my head.

Sorry, in advance :)

Friday, March 2, 2012

The Million (and one) Commandments of my Journey

Whenever I embark on a new WL effort, my first thought is, "can I sustain this"...the thought has come several times throughout my journey. Whenever it comes, I have to reminds myself that it's OK if I don't keep up with a 'healthy living' activity.

Going back to when I first began losing my 100 pds, I vividly remember when I had lost around 20 pds sitting in the car with my best friend. I remember her congratulating me on my loss and asking me a question only a best friend can ask without being pummeled. She asked me, 'do you think you will lose all of the weight and keep it off?'....a funny question for a 17-18 year old to ask and a good question for another 17-18 year old to ponder. I remember sitting in the car and thinking that she brought up a good point, CAN I do this.

Well, let's fast forward to now....

I have lost 100 pds. I have maintained that loss for 6-7 year. TIME FLIES!! Geesh, I still remember when I decided to lose weight.

These are a few things I've learned along the way:

~Weight fluctuates. This is normal. Why do overweight people like to think our weight shouldn't fluctuate once we lose weight? Normal sized people tend to go with the fluctuations. The idea of fat jeans became real and comforting once I lost my weight. Now I have fat jeans! And skinny jeans. It's quite liberating. I have also learned that my weight fluctuates depending on the season. In the spring/summer, I tend to lose weight...fall/winter I tend to gain. Surprise, suprise?

~Determination, not mojo. I am a part of a lot of weight loss forums (see: obsession), the number 1 thing I see for people who have not attained their goals is "I need to find my mojo"...well, I am here to tell you, Mojo is an ugly beast who tends to hide for very long periods of times. Let us be determined to make our goals. I have adopted the determination, not mojo motto and it seems to work...most of the time!

~What you do today may not be with you are doing tomorrow. I say this because, we are humans. The very nature of being a human is change. Why do we expect that once we start something, we will always do it? Embrace change and evaluation. I went into this year thinking I wouldn't diet all year. Well, obviously, my intuition to eat was larger than my intuition to stay the same or lose. I re-evaluated and now I am back to journaling. It's ok! I did 20 sit-ups this morning, I probably will forget to do my 20 tomorrow...but it's ok! (must remember to do sit-ups tomorrow!)

~Cravings happen. OK, my biggest pet peeve is the notion (I had a professor who used to say "notion" ALL of the time...I thought it was cool and sounded smart. I use it whenever I can!) that if you overeat, you have binged. No, you are possibly satisfying a craving, it's not a binge. It's ok. Cravings are ok and normal. We are people; our bodies will crave certain foods. We may overeat these foods on occasion. The key is not to overeat them everyday. Now, I do binge and I know a lot of overweight and normal weight people binge. Binging is a whole 'nother story for a different day. Sometimes cravings do lead to overeating, which can lead to a binge. That's still ok in my book.

~Racing to GOAL is probably not the smartest thing to do. Yes, we all want to get to goal. Goal is great. Who doesn't want to scream "GOAL" when they hit it? I haven't hit my goal, whatever that might be, but when I do, I probably will be screaming to everyone GOAL. I say racing to goal isn't very smart because the point isn't to get to a magic number. We all know how to diet. We have all dieted. The point is maintenance. The point is enjoying the journey. If you can enjoy and learn on your journey, you can maintain. We learn so much while we are losing. It's always good to take note to those lessons vs. ignoring them. We all got fat for a reason, right? Learn the reasons and work through them.

~Accept that once a fat person, always a fat person. This is something that hit me about 3 years into my journey. My ex would always tease me about attending Weight Watchers meetings, using artificial sweeteners, etc. He would always says, "you are in your 20s, you can eat what you want!"... One day it occurred to me that I was not like an average young 20s person. I could not eat what I want and I never could eat what I wanted (unless I wanted the weight with the eating). After that light bulb moment, I spent a LONG time hating my body, hating being fat, hating having to watch what I ate FOREVER, hating, hating, hating. It took probably a solid 2 years to come out on the other side and accept that this is who I am. I can't change it, so I better go with it. I still have moments of dread that I can't just go hog wild or be normal around food. But as time goes by, it gets better. I always tell people that there was a grieving process for me. People look at me like I am crazy, when people think grief, they think death. But we grieve throughout our life span and grieving that my body is naturally fat is something I had to go through.

~Taking a break from weight loss is OK. The number 1 question I get is "How long did it take you to lose"...when I say "5 years", the automatic response from most people is a look of 'OMG, it took her sooooooo long'. People want a quick fix. We are an impulsive society. But peeps, that does not work. It took me 5 years to lose the weight. Throughout my losing, I would take maintenance breaks. I probably lost on average 20-25 pds a year, then I'd maintain 6-7 months. I did not plan this, but it became a pattern of losing for me. I am so thankful for that pattern of loss. I think if I had gotten to 100 pds lost in less than a year, I'd be over my start weight.

~Learn your limitations. My mom once told me that I knew my limitations with regards to weight loss and dieting. When she said that, I didn't really understand what she meant. When I thought about, I realized she was right. I did know my limitations. During my periods of loss, I would always have danger weights or danger sizes. I also always have two sizes in my closet. When I got to where I was wearing a size up from my normal size, I would rein it in. So, learn your limitations. I have danger weights. My danger weight changes with time. It's normally about 10 pds higher than my current weight.

~Don't get rid of ALLLLLL your fat clothes! I always cringe when I see/hear another person say with victory, that they threw away all of their fat clothes. Why do people do this? I assume it's the notion (love that word) that if you throw it away, you won't gain. But hello peeps, clothes are expensive. The risk of regaining is higher than the risk of maintenance. Why set yourself up for failure? I always have 2 sizes in my closet. My proud size and my oops size. I, of course, always want to be in my proud sizes, but oops happen. Sure, get rid of clothes that are ridiculously too big. I don't have any more size 24s hanging in my closet, but be realistic. Don't throw away everything. It's ok to keep a size or two up.

~Obsession! Whoa... No one wants to be considered an obsesser. But hey, when I was losing, I was obsessed. I watched/read all thing weight loss. I think it sort of has to become your identity for awhile. I do think food can be an addiction, which presents as being overweight. Addicts have to learn about their addiction, so why should we be any different?

~Everyone wants to know the magic key to weight loss and maintenance. Is it weight loss surgery? No. Is it Xendedrine? No. Is it eating between the hours of 9-10AM? No. Is it eating after dark when noone is looking? Hmm...I need to try that ;) I am willing to bet, it's not. Well, what is it? I am going to have to go with being stubborn and persistence. Things we all have without even having to spend money. We just have to utilize and maximize these skills.

I am not an expert. I am sure other people's experiences will be different, but these are just some pearls of wisdom I've picked up to help ME along the way. I thought it would be nice to jot them down. Maybe one of these will help another person.

It's friday! And it's always quitting time. Woohoo...


Thursday, March 1, 2012

It's March 1

I have always liked the month of March. The month holds such possibility. Springtime is coming. The weather is changing. I always love the fact that I can wear sandals, tank tops, jean jackets, etc. I love the springtime! I also like to keep my car clean at this time of the year.

This month is going to be a particularly busy month for me.

On March 16th, I head to DC for the Rock n' Roll half marathon. I can not wait! I love DC. I have been several times and it just feels so refreshing. I've always loved the city, but most cities come with dirt. DC is so clean and crisp. A friend of mine has committed to doing four half marathons this year, so when she mentioned her first one was in DC, I of course had no issue with inviting myself to tag along! While I am there, I will also be seeing a friend from college. And I will be meeting several ladies from an online weight loss forum I belong to. The weekend will be so fun!

I did my first half marathon in 11/2010. After that experience, I was not thrilled with the idea of doing another half. Races just aren't my thing--I get a lot of race anxiety. However, I am looking forward to this race. I am not looking forward to the killer elevation. In preparation for the hills, I have been doing a lot of hill and speed workouts. I am not sure if I will PR from my half marathon, but I have made up my mind to enjoy the day and the course. I need to find the joy in races, not wallow in the 'shame' of being 'slow'. There is absolutely nothing shameful about running 13.1!

On March 19th, I submit my paperwork to be approved to sit for my licensure exam to become a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. It's funny, I never wanted to do clinical work. However, one client and a good clinical supervisor changed my opinion of therapy. When I was in school, I never even had a goal of getting my LCSW, but I am so glad I followed this route. 1. It brings more prestige and 2. It's more marketable. I am not excited to wait for the board to approve me--I've heard they can be nitpicky. I am also not looking forward to studying and taking ANOTHER test!

Finally, at the end of March, my home should be move-in ready. I am so excited at the possibility of living alone again. It's been a long time of living with people. I am getting slightly nervous at being in a silent home again, but the nervousness is outweighed by the excited of having my own.

Today I am very proud to say, I beat the lunch time binge monsters and got a large Chili from Wendy's and a side salad. Isn't it funny how we want the 'bad' stuff, but the good stuff tastes so good? I had forgotten how good and fresh a Wendy's side salad is. It really hit the spot.

Today is a day of rest for me. My legs are aching! However, tomorrow I have a slow 3 miler planned before work and then my last long run before the half on Saturday.

Also, tomorrow night, I am going with some friends to see John Legend! He isn't my favorite artist, but I like him enough to see him for 27.00. It should be fun. The girls I am going with are hilarious and we click.

Alright....I've procrastinated enough. Back to work. Too bad that LCSW just means more work, not no work ;)

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

And then there were lights!! ...and it's WordFUL Wednesday!

It is supposed to be a wordy day and I don't have a lot to say.
My brain is on overdrive with what I have to do to move into the house. The process is stagnant, unless I am making some movements--duh! It's weird doing things by myself. My mom owns the house, and you'd think she would want more say, but she is totally an observer. Soo..it's up to me.

This week, I've bought a faucet for the kitchen sink and a stove. I also just got the electricity turned on. woohoo!

I am going to start painting the cabinets tomorrow or friday. I have to buy the paint I want for them and paint supplies. Exciting! I have a running list of what I need on my phone, but I may add a tab on the blog and list it there. I have ADD (seriously!) and the dreamer/proscrastinator in me can sometimes take over the the doer in me.

I have so many ideas and thoughts on what I want to do in this home. I am not even sure how long I will be living here. I think it will be at least until I get married--no other need to move, I suppose.

Since I have  been thinking about this home, I have thought about my original dream of home ownership. My parents have always owned their homes, and have instilled that value into my sister and me. While I am a little disappointed I have not made the leap into buying my own home, I am satisfied with this transition. It will be a test run of sorts. I also am so transitient. What if I decide to move out of the state tomorrow? As a single woman, it's probably not the smartest idea to tie myself to one place.

I always pictured myself in an older, charming home. I always wanted to keep some of the older features, but update some elements on the home. Unfortunately, in Houston we don't have any older neighborhoods being revamped. The city seems to be at a standstill with the older neighborhoods.

The other day, it donned on me, that the house I am moving into fits what I have always envisioned for myself in a home. It's in an older, stable neighborhood; it was built in the '70s; it's all brick; and it's sort of cute (';)). e The house is bigger than I wanted it to be--it is 4 bedrooms, I wanted a 2-3 bedroom...but still, it's older and basically a blank slate.

I am thankful that I even have this opportunity to help my mom out, but also to be helped!

Right now, unfortunately, most of my saved money is going towards things that are NEEDED in the home. I will decorate as I go, though! I have been a pinning fool. So I have lots of ideas.

My fitness/eating journey is going well. Yesterday I realized that I am eating too much bread. So instead of bringing a sandwich with my soup today, I brought a salad. It so good and fresh!

I am also going to run 3 miles today. I need to also do some sit ups or something!

Did you guys REALLY think I didn't have much to say?

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

I love the changes in me

I have been on this journey a long time, so I should be used to the 'new' me, but I am not.

Last night I laid down around 9:30, before lying down, I set my alarm for 5AM. Spin is at 5:30AM. I set my alarm because I have been missing my early morning spin classes, and I wanted to make sure I went this morning.

After setting my alarm, and laying down...I started to think, 'maybe I'll do kettlebells tomorrow morning', or 'maybe I will do Jillian'. I also started to get really excited about eating a banana before my workout. <~~it's the small things in life!

I remember a time when I dreaded working out. I used to be one of those people who could not IMAGINE how someone could enjoy working out. I used to always laugh when someone said they were a gymrat. (I am still NOT a gymrat!)

I would always tell myself, I'd start. I would join gyms--go a few times and stop. When I first started losing weight, I joined a gym. I had a personal trainer. I would do the weights with her, but I HATED cardio.

I have joined curves--went for one summer in college, then stopped.

I joined Lucille Roberts--I went to one class and the instructor wore me out. Never went back. I did get on the TM a few times.

Whenever I would start on a new workout voyage, I'd have good intentions. But, as the time went on, I would start making excuses. I am not sure what changed in me, maybe it was running? Or maybe it was the fact that I knew I needed something to help me maintain?

But something changed.

Now, I crave exercise.

~It's become my time to think.
~My time to daydream--I love daydreaming. My mom used to call me a dreamer when I was a kid, because I'd daydream all day long.
~My time to look at myself in the mirrors and admire who I have become
~My time to be with other people who want to make changes in their bodies. I love being in a fitness classes and seeing all shapes and sizes doing the same thing
~My time to be selfish
~Also, let's be honest, it brings bragging rights
~It also allows a few extra calories--even though, that can be to my detriment. One extra calorie leads to 500 for me! LOL

The benefits of exercise are endless. My body has changed so much. I feel so good when I am finished. I love that pit of the stomach burn I get when I push myself.

I also just love being apart of the elite group of people who workout.

I don't know what the magic piece of advice is for someone who is just starting out.

This is how I started:

First, I tried something I never thought I would like. I tried running. I didn't jump into running. I started with walking. Once I started running, I craved it!

I ran until I got bored with running. I knew my history with joining and stopping gyms. So I just bought workout videos. I'd do a video for several weeks, then buy a new one. I bought videos until I had several to choose from.

Eventually, I joined a gym. It took a long time to commit to joining a gym, but I did last year and I have been faithful.

I also suggest getting a calendar and charting exercise. Put an activity down on the days. I find when I have an activity, I don't have to think about it. Sort of like pre-journalling your food intake. If it's there, I do it.

I also allow rest days! Oh, how I love rest days. I also have 'call in sick' workout days. Somedays I am just not feeling it, so I don't do it. I also have a secret goal of 5 days a week, but I am ok with 4 days.

This morning I made my spin class. I love that class. It's like a 5:30AM dance party, on a bike. I didn't think I was working too hard while in class. However, once I got off of my bike, I was appropriately soaked. I also could barely walk. And I am STARVING.

Love your body! Love moving it ;)

Monday, February 27, 2012

Body image can be a mean thing, right?

Since we last spoke, my eating has not been great.

Let me rewind--after I posted, I headed to Lake Charles for the weekend. Before we even got out of Houston, my mom tells us, "Uncle R is waiting for us to eat dinner...the Isle (a casino) is having crawfish on the buffet"...crawfish+buffet=fat girl heaven, right? Well, seafood isn't many calories. I planned to have a good day and I mostly did. I did eat too much at the buffet, but I only ate crawfish. Nothing else on the buffet. I did have a few potatoes and corn with it. How can you go to a crawfish boil and not have new potatoes and corn?? 

After eating, we went to visit my cousin's new 1 week old baby girl. ~swoon~ She is so snuggly and small. I told my sister we needed a new baby in the family. Her response was, "well have one!"...wrong answer, chick!

Sunday started off with good intentions...but I was out of town. Blah, blah, excuse, excuse. I make a lot of those, huh?

Anyway, back to my thoughts. This morning, I weighed myself and I was up 3 pds from my Saturday morning weight. The 3 pds up is still way higher than my comfortable weight, so I had a silent freak out. I refrained from texting anyone about freaking out. I think people get sick of people who freak out over every pd. So I contained myself and went to work.

I was sitting in a meeting this morning, looked down and thought I saw a mountain of a stomach. It was round and flabby. Not good. 

While sitting there, I started pulling it in and out. I also started to make a mental list of things I needed to do to improve it and what it resembled. 

The list of things to improve it were good things. 
The list of things it resembled were not so good things. 

My stomach is definitely is not in tip top shape, but I forced myself to stop the negative thoughts. Negative thoughts never get me anywhere but in a bag of cookies, chips, or a carton of ice cream.

To stop myself, I made myself look around the room and compare myself to other women. No, no, no I was not looking for the fattest person in the room to say, "at least I don't look like THAT!" I just wanted to compare to women of all shapes and sizes. While doing this, I went a step further, and made myself look at my stomach through the eyes of someone else. I forced myself to look at my stomach through the eyes of someone else, because I can be my own worse enemy. I AM bigger than I want to be, but no, I do not have a mountain of a stomach. I definitely have a stomach that needs some sit-ups.

Why am I even mentioning this silly thing? Well, because I think people who have lost a lot of weight go through the distorted body image thing. It's something that rarely gets spoken about. Thinner people don't get why when a heavy person loses the weight, they just can't be happy. Fatter people think when someone loses weight, they should just be happy and grateful that they have a arrived. A formerly fat person knows, that it takes a LONG time for the mind to catch up with the body.

I have been at my current weight for 6-7 yrs, and while it does get better with time, I still have times when I have to force myself to look at myself through the lens of a friend. 

I use the lens of a friend because friends can be kinder to us than we are to ourselves. I can look at myself and pick up 10 flaws, but a friend can look at me and pick out 10 assets. 

I guess I bring up this issue to say-- 1. It's normal to not see yourself like another person sees you, but 2. It's not ok to be negative and mean to yourself! 

Let's all try to look at ourselves through the lens of a friend. How would a friend see you? 

In other news, the flooring is being laid in my new place. After several weeks of non-response from these contractors, the guys finally came back over to finish what needs to be done.

It seems like every time I go over there, I find something else that needs to be done. I just keep telling myself, "one day at a time!"

I also bought a faucet for the kitchen sink! Woohoo, first purchase ;)

I did a 5 mile progressive run today. I started at an exaggerated slow pace and got faster and faster. The last 2 miles were hard...but it was a good run. As I was leaving the gym, I thought to myself, someone needs to come up with a shirt that says, "thank Heavens for good runs"...you know, like those shirts that say, "thank Heavens for boys or girls"? 

Eating has been good too! I'm hungry, especially after the run. 

Alright, Hoarders is on and I'm tired. Time to be lazy :)

Saturday, February 25, 2012

BAM

I feel awesome.

I ran 9 miles this morning, and walked 1 cool down mile. 

A few weeks ago, I started walking a mile after my runs. I felt like I was not getting a proper cooldown. The mile really helps me calm myself down, get my breathing back in order, and just relax--text while walking, listen to music, etc. I especially love texting on that mile. I'm sure all of the runners are thinking, "look at that chick, she is texting and I'm pushing it"...it makes me smile inside to be a rebel ;)

The run was pretty good. I felt a little tired at the beginning. I'm still playing around with my Mecca of pre-long run fuel. I went out last night and had fajitas--but only ate one tortilla, no rice and a bite or two of beans. The restuarant I went to offers spaghetti squash or green beans as a sub for the rice and beans. I chose this due to my "operation get the 6 pds off" goal. The spaghetti squash was really good, but a little sweet/salty for my taste buds, 

Also, on my run, I ran straight into the trail riders. It's Rodeo time in Houston, so a lot of festivities are going on today. I didn't realize the trail riders would be coming along my route, so I thought I'd miss them. But lo and behold, as I'm jogging back into the park there they were. I ran along side them for about 3ish miles. I had a bunch of cowboys cheering me on. I got embarrassed and started running faster! I always get so flustered when I get too much male attention. It was very flattering and a nice push for me. Also, as I was getting in, a cop gave me a thumbs up and told me that he had seen me about 6 times lol. I was like, "no you haven't"--I'm smooth. He says, "uh, yes I have".  It was cool seeing/knowing men notice me. After so many years of being basically invisible to the opposite sex, I still get all "aww" when a man actually takes notice of me, and just talks to me. 

My eating is going really well since I re-committed. I have journaled everyday on my fitness pal. I have also been hyper vigilant. My guess is the gain was temporary because it's almost gone, but in the last few days, I've noticed how the pds could have crept up. I was doing a bit too much of, "this is ok", "I'll have a bit of that"...since I'm mindful, I'm not just eating the gaucamole just because it came with my food, or the extra cheese, or the BLTs. I'm not sure if this path will lead me to goal--finally!, but it will lead me to being mindful and not complacent.

Alright, peeps--I'm headed to the great state of Louisiana for the night. Peace :)

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Ok, the jig is up!

One of my goals for the new year was to not diet. I have been struggling with that goal, because it's just something that I have always done. I have not 'dieted' since setting that goal, just ate normally. However, like I said yesterday, I feel 'solid'.

I went to the doctor on Monday and the number on the scale shocked me. It was 10 pds up from the weight I was at the beginning of the month. The poor LVN talked me off the ledge and gave me some excuses--it's water weight, it's almost noon time, etc. I allowed myself to be comforted.

Tuesday the pants I wore to work were just a little bit more 'fitted' than normal. I may or may not have also changed out of the original pair I put on.

Wednesday the pants I wore to work with a bit 'fitted', also.

This morning, before I could talk myself out of it, I hopped on the scale.

The verdict:
I am 6 pds higher than I was at the beginning of the month.

Now it could be many things:
~I started BCP a few weeks ago.
~I've been sick
~I've not been drinking enough water
~etc
~excuse
~etc
~excuse
~etc

Needless to say, I will be dieting for a bit. I resigned into My Fitness Pal, I updated my weight and journalled breakfast and lunch. I even measured out my coffee creamer.

Operation lose 6 pds is in full effect!

I also went to spin at lunchtime. That was prearranged. The class was TOUGH, but I made it through even though like half the class left before the end. I always feel hardcore when people leave mid-class.

I also saw the lovely Lamar ;) (If you have not been reading my blog long, he is a personal trainer at the gym that I have the hots for) He was training a group when I came in, but he was working out alone when I left. I took that as my opportunity to 'stalk' him like he does to me while I am in body pump. LOL. He started laughing and we chatted for a bit.

Like a friend of mine said, he is not marriage material--he has children. But he is definitely nice to look at!

Happy Thursday!!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Wordful Wednesday

I hate when I have long absences from blogging. I had a really good blog idea for last wednesday, too. I was going to list 10 things I love about myself in honor of Valentine's Day being over. Since, it's wednesday, albeit a week later, I will still list them:

1. I love my hair! I stopped relaxing/perming my hair about 3 or 4 years ago and every time I wash my hair, I LOVE the feel of it. I love the thick, soft, luscious curls.

2. I love the fact that I am independent. Sometimes I am TOO independent, but I like that I when set my mind to doing something, it gets done.

3. I love that I have passion.

4. I love my car. (random, right?)

5. I love my complexion, eye color and hair color combo. They are all different shades of brown. I love how they play off of each other.

6. I love that I am not afraid to grow. Over the last few years, I have made several changes in my life--some hurt, some felt good. However, I persisted through them and now I feel I am on the other side.

7. I am turning 30 in a few months. While, I am not THRILLED to be 30...I am thrilled that I got a lot done in my 20s. I am also thrilled that I am entering the 30s as a mature individual.

8. I love that I don't settle. At times, I wish I could just settle...life would be 'easier', right? But I love that I know what I want, and I am not afraid to go after it.

9. I love that I am selfish. A few years ago, my mom told me, "I have always admired how selfish you are"...my immediate thought was, "I am NOT selfish." However, what she meant was, I put my needs first. While, that's not always a good thing. It's a healthy thing. In the work I do, I see a lot of people who put everyone before them. They are left shells of themselves. I spend a lot of time trying to get people to figure out what makes THEM happy/content. Of course, I am not totally selfish. But, I do and will always have my back ;)

10. I love that I forgive myself when I make mistakes.

Ok, I needed that last week more than this week, but it felt good to get that out. We can all use a little self love, right?

Now on to new stuff-

Last week I was MIA, because I was sick--boo. I woke up Wednesday morning with a sore throat, a cough, and general yuckiness. Despite being sick, I stuck to my workout plan and went to work. I did have one bad day of eating, but it's ok, it was one day...

Saturday I did not do my long run due to the weather. I went to spin + 3.5 miles on the TM. After this, I spent most of the day in bed.

Sunday I did not go to Yoga, because my head hurt just lifting it up. I did spend a few hours cleaning my 'new' house. The kitchen is almost spotless.

Sunday-Tuesday the sickness came to a head. I even went to the doctor on monday. Apparently the doctor saw no infection. He just thought it was my sinuses. Soo...I am letting it run its course.

Monday evening I felt good enough to go to the gym. I did 5 miles of hills on the TM. It was tough, but felt so good!

My intention was to go to spin yesterday afternoon, but I didn't get to the gym in time. I was still feeling a little under the weather, so I took this as a sign to 'act' sick. I took a DOR.

This morning, after willing myself to stay in bed for about 10 mins, I got up and went to the gym for a 3.5 mile tempo run. Unfortunately, my body was not in the mood for a tempo run. I managed to do 2 miles at a tempo pace. The rest of the run was a huge mental battle within myself.

My eating continues to be a daily struggle. I have allowed myself to eat more sweets than I want in my diet, so I have to get ahold of that. Yesterday, I randomly bought a peanut butter egg. It happened so fast, that I didn't have enough time to stop the purchase. I have also been slacking about putting my sweets on my calendar. Everytime I see the calendar, I mean to update it, but I don't. I am going to do that tonight.

I have also been weighing in once a month. I think I am going to up that to once a week. I feel 'solid'. Clothes still fit, but I feel like I am bulking up. I am not sure why I feel this way, because my eating habits are pretty much the same as they always are...but, I like feeling light. I need to see where I am scale-wise more often. So back to once a week!