Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Do people ever stop trying to achieve just one.more.thing?

I have never really thought of myself as a go-getter. I actually think of myself as lazy and a little too undriven.

However, when I sit down to reflect, maybe I am just lazy-driven... Driven into laziness? LOL. No, may be my drive just gets lazy at times. But when is being driven too much, when is laziness OK? I have a hard time figuring out the balance in being driven and lazy. I need to find a balance in knowing my limits and just relaxing and enjoying life.

When I think back on my life, I've always been working on something. Let's do a little timeline:

First goal was weight loss. I started in my senior year of high school, and chased that goal until I was down 100 pds--5 years later. See where the driven meets lazy?

Second goal was running. I chased that goal until I could run without dying. But again, my mile times aren't stellar. I still am between a 12-13mm. Again, lazy meets driven.

Third goal is maintenance.  I have maintained for 7 years now, but at a higher than normal goal weight. It's not easy to maintain, so I do feel I am successful. But again, I am not at a 'goal' weight others aspire to be at. So, again, driven/determination meets lazy/complacent.

Aside from my physical goals, I've also had a lot of career/school goals.

When I graduated high school, I really had no plans for the future. I vaguely wanted to be an attorney, but I didn't really know what kind. Actually I did know what kind, I wanted to be an advocate/attorney for the parents of special needs children. I could get in to why this goal was so specialized, but it's too long of a story.

Back to when I graduated high school--no goals, I was just told you have to go somewhere in the Fall. I went from High School to a Junior College. Something happened, the driven side of me must have taken over, and I excelled and did really well. I got accepted to a respectable out of state Private U and did well.

I got all the way to the end of my undergraduate career and still didn't know what I wanted to do. During that time, my goals changed and I wanted to do Social Work. I thank Dr. Petrie for introducing me to this underpaid, overworked, but very rewarding field. I knew I wanted to go to social work school post UG, but I didn't know what I wanted to do with the degree or what type of job I wanted...

My first job out of colllege literally fell into my lap. I was hired on from my internship. See, I am not TOO unmotivated!

From my first job, my friend convinced me to take a test to get hired on with the city. So I did, I was hired and I stayed there for 3 years while attending graduate school.

I spent 4 years in graduate school--part-time--and still didn't know what I wanted to do.

I fell into the Child Protection field and have sort of stayed here. Right now I do preventive/trauma work, but still with a similar focus that I've always had in work.

Very long story, long...

I am at the point in my career where I am about sit for my second licensing exam. There are two levels of licensure for Social Work. I attained my first level when I graduated, and I have been working for the second level for the last 2 years. Again, I didn't even want to do a clinical track, but I did it because my job came along and basically paid me to work towards my licensure.

You see? Driven meets Lazy.

It's really hard to reconcile how I have gotten to this high level of intelligence (funny, saracasm!) with other people putting bugs in my ear and me just listening.

Why am I writing this post?

Well, because when is enough, enough? I am studying for my next test.

But, what's on my mind? Law School!

Law School has been on my mind since the day I was born, probably. I have always been fascinated by the Law and I have always wanted to do something IN law.

But then I ask myself, why? Why do I want to become an Attorney? I have gotten one Master's, I can probably live a long healthy life with my career.

When I ask myself this question, I also wonder, 'when is enough enough' people ever reach a level of satisfaction when they stop seeking the next achievement?

For the last few YEARS, I have trying to calm the law school bug down. I tell myself more loans, STRESS, the Bar, getting in to a good school, taking the LSATS, etc.

But...then I start dreaming of actually practicing law. Helping people. Just furthering my scope of advocacy.

Hopefully, my laziness will kick in and stop me from researching schools, LSAT scores, acceptance requirements.....

I am so glad I named this blog Confessions of a Slogger vs. Let's Run or something silly like that...

I do more confessing than talking about running. ;)


Run Amy Run said...

Gosh, I hope we never stop trying to achieve just one more thing!
At 55 years of age I still have hundreds of hopes and dreams for myself. Some are realistic (completing at triathlon), some not so much (becoming a skilled jazz musician). But I'll keep on dreaming the dreams and choosing the next hurdle to overcome and move one step closer to being the best that I can be. I may even learn to play a musical instrument - in my 60's, perhaps!
Keep at it and don't stop considering law.

laz22girl said...

Thanks for this comment! I really struggle with "enough" and "just one more thing" thinking. I'm definitely considering law..just when!