I wanted to start with an embedded video of Silly by Deniece Williams. Here is the link, I don't think it's embedded. But, whateves
This song came on yesterday while I was driving home from my run. I have always liked this song, but never listened to the actual lyrics. I actually stopped trying to harmonize with Deniece, and listened yesterday.
This song really reminds me of my dating life. I always feel like I can attract men, but then the other shoe drops...and I feel so SILLY, that I thought they could have possibly been interested in me.
Why am I writing about this? Well, I have barely heard from "Lamar" since our first date. I don't actually think I told the blog world that we went out. Well, we did. We went for dinner on Wednesday. First, he looks so good outside of his personal training gear. Second, he is SO easy to talk to. We laughed and spoke for about 2 hrs. Third, he has muscles! In the gym he looks so tall/lean. As we were leaving, he gave me a big hug and the muscles flexed. I may or may not have wanted to go home with him. Don't worry, I did NOT! However, we did text for about 2 hrs once we got home.
If the date went that well, then why am I in a bit of angst about the lack of contact? I don't know. That's the million dollar question for all single people in the world.
Anyway, friday night and saturday, I was feeling a little Silly about thinking that he could have possibly been interested in me.
However, after 2 runs, countless talks with friends to analyze our communication, and self evaluation...I've realized that 1. feeling Silly is dumb. 2. It's HIS issue if he doesn't want to continue and 3. It's just been a few days. So I am trying to be all Zen about the situation.
I think there is a direct correlation between my alcohol consumption and my SILLY thoughts. Friday night, I was texting with a friend after a few margaritas. When I read my texts the next morning, I had to laugh. I may or may not have told her that I have rain and clouds over my life. Dramatic much? I actually have a pretty good life! Thanks, Kristen, for always being willing to text/talk/commiserate with me. I also called one of my good friends, who always knows exactly what to say to me to either 1. make me evaluate or 2. make me laugh. I have good friends! I can't wait for next week. I will have endless hours of girl talk.
Ok..moving on. Until tomorrow afternoon when I am scheduled to see Lamar. I go between wanting to completely ignore him, to wanting to be like "WHY?", to wanting to just be nonchalant. The nonchalant is probably the smartest route, but dammit if acting crazy doesn't FEEL good ;) I hear he likes crazy women, so maybe I should just let the pyshco hang out?? LOL.
Yesterday at my group run with the BGR girls, I committed to meeting up again to do speed work.
Sunday IS a rest day. I woke up fighting with myself. I kept going between this will be so fun to "N, just rest!"..ultimately, logic normally wins, so I went.
Before the run, I may or may not have spent a few minutes trying to get a decent self shot. These are my out takes:
After the workout, I kept think what a great workout!! I am always amazed at how cool the BGR girls are. Having them by side, or more accurately in front of me, pushed me to go past my comfort zone. But, umm, hello nausea and sore legs.
We did .5 warm up, 3x400s, light jog, 3 hill repeats, 1 mile cooldown...lots of girl talk. Nice 3 miles. Once I start half training, I will be adding more to that.
I have NEVER run 3 miles in 34 mins. Who cares about the :something after the 34 ;)
Since it's Sunday, I like doing a little inspiration, this quote is hitting me this week:
How true IS this?
Running is a physical movement, you can SEE/FEEL what you put in it...or if you don't put anything into it.
A bad run is probably the worse thing ever--ok, probably not--but it's a very humbling experience. My bad runs are typically very mental. If I TELL myself I am doing great, I am flying, I am looking good, I have good runs. The runs when I defeat myself before even starting, are the runs that make me want to go into hiding and never do it again.
Same for life. We live life, but very rarely do we slow down enough to evaluate life and what we are putting into it. After my break up with my ex boyfriend, about 18 months ago, I turned inward. I didn't really seek out interaction, and I just spent several months in hiding. About 6 months ago, it's like the cloud just lifted. I've put myself out there socially, and have been repaid tenfold. I've also made the CHOICE to be happy, and just that choice has yielded a good return! I am not Miss Happy Go Lucky. Never will I be that, I allow myself to wallow...but I have tried to just SMILE.
And it feels so good.
So anyway, that's a long ramble for Sunday.
I hope everyone is having a good days!
((And if anyone wants to send good thoughts my way regarding Lamar, that would be GREAT ;)))