Monday, December 5, 2011

I have a slight case of the Monday Morning rambles...

I woke up this morning to a dreary, ugly morning. It was thundering most of last night and raining this morning. I decided to ditch my run, because let's face it, I live in Houston. I don't need to run in inclimate I slept in. I have Body Pump and either the elliptical or TM in my future. I am not sure which will be my poison by the time I get to the gym.

After my post yesterday, I was getting ready to head to a party and tried on a new pair of shorts. They did not fit. My immediate thought was, "screw what I said on that blog, I'm going on a diet"...however, like normal, once I found a pair of jeans that did fit ok, I was like, 'OK, maybe I don't look that bad.' I hate that sort of thinking.

At the party, I got a lot of comments about how great I looked and how I am so good at maintaning. I went to my BFF's son's birthday party. These people are people who knew me at 268. So they knew me through the weight loss. It was nice to hear those comments. It also put things in perspective in my head. I need to be doing this for FEEL rather than just weight loss.

Yesterday I did not end the day well, as far as eating is concerned. I have actually been feeling like my tongue is coated in sugar. I guess it's too much sugar? I have decided that for the rest of this month, I am going to focus on choosing wisely. I read so many blogs and it seems others just choose the healthier version. For me, it's a constant struggle all.of.the.time. I hate that about myself. I constantly have an inner battle going on in my head about what I am eating. I wonder if this is just a part of being a former morbidly obese person? I have largely accepted thinking about food is just a way of life for me, but I'd like to get to the point of picking the healthier option 90/10. Right now, I am at a 70/30, maybe even a 60/40 split.

I am also researching detoxes. I don't really like extreme things, but I think my body needs a detox. I've just put too much junk into it. It needs a reset. I do not even know where to begin with doing a detox. I am going to continue to research. I'd also like to encorporate a vegan diet into my life in the new year. My hair dresser and I spoke about it at my last appointment. She shared that benefits can happen with only doing it a few days of the month. In 2012, I'd really like to focus on healthy stuff.

Aside from my weight, I've also been thinking a lot about professional and personal development. I don't really want to get into my professional life on this blog, but I have put in a few calls to my mentors. Hopefully, they can lead me professionally.

As far as relationships are concerned, I am just so pleased at the place I am in. I have had a rocky relationship past. I have always craved a relationship, so I am always looking. However, for the first time...I feel normal and not yearning. It's such a nice feeling.

I guess the relationship thing brings me to another thing I am happy I changed in 2011. I finally cut contact with my toxic ex-boyfriend. Our history is long and toxic, and for once, I don't really want to re-tell it. We broke up for the last time in June 2010. He recontacted me in 2011. Our history is that we break up, he calls, and we get back together. This time I was strong and cut the ties. Everyday I am grateful for doing that. I feel like since he has been cut, I have the weight of 50 men off of my shoulders.

I am sort of scared to jump back into anything, because I feel so free and HAPPY now.

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