I have been contemplating change a lot lately. I think 2010 was the catalyst to the changes I needed to make in my life. I think 2011 was the year that I contemplated and started doing some changes. I think 2012 is the year I will actually implement the changes that I feel I need to make in my life. It's hard to believe that it took me two years to finally feel like I am on my feet. Why don't these things happen faster? I guess it may just be my personality, I always take 6-8 months to adjust to a new situation.
Anyway, a lot of change is happening in my life.
First and foremost, 'the diet' thing, I've been thinking about this a lot and I have decided that one of my goals is to stop telling people I need to lose weight. It's become such a common thing to throw out, "What are you eating for lunch?", "Oh, I am having a salad, I need to lose weight!"...gaah, I am sick of hearing myself say this. I have been saying this for the last 5 or so years. I have fought the good fight with the last 20 pds. It's finally won. I am not going to 'try' to lose any weight. I will continue to eat healthy. Hence, the low sugar and intuitive eating thing, which is going amazingly well. My stomach appears SO flat. Bonus!!!
Second, my fitness level. I have been a runner for the last 5 or so years. I don't want to say I've half assed this running thing, but I definitely haven't given it my all. I don't always work to compacity. I've gotten into this lazy pattern of slogging. I am sick of being a slogger. I want to be a RUNNER. So I am changing that, and going to start running on a consistent basis. Every now and then the runner in me comes out and I surprise myself. I am going to get her to make consistent appearances in my running life. On saturday, I kept repeating to myself, "It's SUPPOSED to hurt, run faster!"...it worked, for the most part.
Third, MEN...this year, I did not make a wish at NYE to have a boyfriend by V-day. I think I've had that wish for the last 10 years. I've always dated SOMEONE around V-day, but have never had a boyfriend on V-day. I take that back, I've had a boyfriend maybe 2 of the past 10 years. However, I have never been treated to anything special on V-day. It's acutally become a day I hate. But this year, I have decided that I will stop--ok decrease--the bellyaching about not having a special someone. Bellyaching is not attractive. So I need to shut it.
With the men goal, I have decided that my standards are standards that I want to have, but not live and die by. I am going to start evaluating men on a whole--not on some silly standard I've set forth. I swear my pickiness is WHY I am single. If a man's head is oddly shaped, I will nix him. This year, I will give every guy--ok, not every guy--but most guys a try.
I will also cut dead weight. I had a guy I dated last year text me on Saturday. I responded, but the conversation went the way it always goes--him acting all interested, me getting annoyed because he doesn't want what I want, him getting annoyed at me not playing his game, me getting annoyed for him playing games...so I am going to stop responding to the silly men!!
I also need to cut some unhealthy ties with one guy in particular. It's just a lingering relationship that provides no pleasure to my life, but the occasional jolly. Not what I need. TMI-yes.
Fourth, I want to stop being so selfish. I swear for a Social Worker, I am really selfish. I am going to stop being selfish with my family. They allow me to be pretty selfish and I need to stop that.
Hmm..I think that's all the change this girl can take. I hate change, but it needs to come.
Want to know what brought this on? This morning on the way to work, I heard this song:
I listen to this song all of the time. And I knew it was about Change, but I never really listened to the lyrics. It's all about Holding On, because Change is coming. I realized that while listening to this song, you have to make the changes you want in your life. I think I am pretty good at making things happen for myself, but there are times when I allow myself to be a passive observant of my life. I need to stop that and take the bull by the horns. I am going to make an effort to stop this behavior. Change is coming!!