Monday, November 28, 2011

It's Monday!

I always wake up either screaming "IT'S MONDAY!!! :) :)" or "it's monday :( :("...this morning was a IT'S MONDAY type of morning.

I started the morning with a 3 mile run with a friend from my Black Girls Run group. We met at a local trail for a very cold, frigid morning run. The first mile was actually pretty good. We chatted about diet, etc. However, towards the end of the first mile, I started getting tight calves and leg pain. I had to stop and stretch. I spent the last 2 miles chasing my running partner. I give this run a big fat "thumbs down"...although, it was nice to run with someone and the miles are done, so it should get a "thumbs up". I got home and had the best, hottest shower--ever!!!

Later will be some men watching and Body Pump. Body Pump gets a 'eh' from me...but I want to look like the women in the class, so I continue to go.
I also have been having a lot of random thoughts. My brain always seems to be swirling around with new ideas and thoughts. I am so happy I now have a blog to write my thoughts.


I saw "Why Did I Get Married" last night. This movie made me think about marriage and what I want in a mate. My brain goes all kind of crazy when I start thinking about men and a potential marriage. A friend once asked if I was afraid of commitment. My initial gut response was, "OF COURSE NOT!!"...however, since getting asked that question, I have pondered it - a lot! I do not *think* I am afraid of commitment, but I am deathly afraid of being hurt or being a butt of a joke. So...with those two things, it makes it very hard to be vulnerable enough to get to the point of serious commitment, and eventually marriage.

I thought a lot about this last night and this morning. I have decided that I am afraid of getting cheated on, being controlled or being demeaned. I am not sure why I jump to these thoughts when I think about deep relationships, but it's something my brain thinks about. I am constantly working on re-wiring my brain to not believe every man is a 'dog' or wants to hurt me. It's a process...

I have also come to the conclusion that a lot of successful relationships started with someone taking a chance. These relationships seem to continue with the two people being vulnerable to each other. While watching the movie, two of the characters were talking to Janet Jackson's character about their marriage problems. She provides them with some solutions to fix their issues, both solutions were based in them being vulnerable. They of course both stated that they would NOT be the first to take a chance. Janet Jackson says, "if you can't be vulnerable with your spouse, who can you be vulnerable with?" That is such a powerful statement. In my head, I see a marriage as two people who can be vulnerable with each other. But how scary is it to be vulnerable with another human who has the power to use that vulnerability to their advantage?

Ay yi yi, it's all very scary. I just hope and pray (every night ;)) for a man like Troy's character. I also pray for the courage and strength of the women in the movie, especially Jill Scott's character.

On to my eating. I ended yesterday at 1973 cals. I started the day with good intentions, but my grandmother's pecan squares and my aunt's pineapple/coconut cake started calling my name. It's very hard for me to ignore, you know what I did. I am proud that I journalled my intake.

Today is off to a good food day.
I started a little challenge with myself on November 1st. I challenged myself to log 100 miles in the month of November. I started the month with good intentions and did pretty well...but last week was only a 12 mile week. I am at 80 miles for the month. Can I do 20 miles in 2 days?? I don't know about 20 miles,but I will try 10 miles.

In an effort to look on the bright side, 80 miles for a month is awesome!! So, I would just be happy with that...the competitive side of me wants to get as close to 100 miles as possible, though ;)

Ok, this is an awfully busy gotta run!

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