The weekend of indulges...

I just got back from a fun weekend away. I spent the weekend in San Marcos. I went down with my sisters, my niece and my mother. We used to do trips like this all of the time, but as my sister and I have gotten older, we don't do girl's trips as much. So we all decided to get away for the weekend.

Like all family trips, we laughed, cried, fought, and ATE.

We are all eaters in my family, so we all sort of center vacation around dessert and eating. Since my NY resolution was giving up sweets (80/20), I knew I'd probably indulge. However, I didn't want to pig out. I did eat past satisfaction saturday night. Sunday night, I was able to reign it in a bit.  Monday...I had full on "I don't care" moment, and had a piece of apple pie after my dinner.

When I got up this morning, I felt bloated and remorseful. I went through three pairs of pants before finding one that didn't hurt to button. I vowed to never indulge again!

We all know how that goes...

On the way to work, when I wasn't so charged about not being able to fit my pants, I realized that indulging was ok. I also had a lightbulb moment. So many people say to eat/think like a skinny person. I used to always think, 'but skinny people hardly eat'...this morning I realized, skinny people DO indulge. However, after they indulge, they 'detox'. I am not sure if it's a conscious decision, but you rarely see thin/healthy people indulging everyday.

So...for the next few days, I will be 'detoxing'...no crazy detoxes, but just not eating sweets (going back to my resolution). I will also be eating cleaner foods in an effort to reduce some bloat.

This morning I got up and went to Spin. It was such a great class! I felt bloated and gross, but it felt good to be moving.

Partially Wordless Wednesday!

You guys know how much I like to talk and explain. I can't do Wordless Wednesday without explaining the pics. These are pics I've taken over the last week that I thought were cute!

Nana and Addy at the Basketball Game.

We cheer, they text ;)

Actually, Addy has Nana wrapped around her finger.

Addy decided that she wanted to watch Caillou, so Nana hopped to it and found an episode on Youtube. 

This is this morning.

Carrington asked for my iPhone, I told her "sure."

So she snapped this pic for her home screen shot.

Ha.

Carrington I was JOKING. You aren't getting my phone ;)

This is a new game I have for the kids I work with.

It's called, "Breaking the Ice."

A set of kids and I had a few intense sessions with this game.

I snapped a few of our games. This is one right before the ice was broken.

This is Carrington's team before the last quarter,

Right before they won! Go Shock!!

The little girl (number 3) standing up is going to be in the WNBA. She is an awesome player!

The rest of the girls have heart and put up a good effort.

Addy after the game.

Fashionista!

A girl who was inactive all of her life now has two pairs of workout shoes.

Running shoes and Gym shoes.

Today feels all new and optimistic like. I am sort of unsure about some things. I have to start studying for a licensure exam in March. I am not sure what I will do career wise after that...that has me a little shaky, but other than that, I feel good and optimistic.

I was thinking about my next year. I have so many new adventures! I can't wait to start them. My number one thing I am on pins and needles about is the NYC marathon. When I entered the lotto, I was unsure as to whether or not I really wanted to do it. Now it's all I can think about. I know the odds of me getting in are not in my favor, but I am so excited about the thought! I just can't wait to start training, and run the thing!

My body hurts from head to toe from the workouts I've done this week. However, I am still excited about my workout this evening. It's the last day of Athletic Training. I love that class the most because it's interactive. I am going to miss it. I also need to do some form of cardio. I hate running on the TM, but I may end up doing that for 30 mins before AT starts.

My eating continues to improve. Yesterday I was SO hungry. I ate all day. I did choose healthy things. I also did NOT eat the cookies that were sitting on the counter screaming my name when I got home. As each day passes, this low sugar thing gets easier and easier. Yesterday, the only form of processed sugar I had one was one tiny bliss square and the Natural Creamer in my coffee. I didn't even feel the need to get into my yogurt covered almonds or raisins that I have on standby for emergency cravings.

Change is coming...

I have been contemplating change a lot lately. I think 2010 was the catalyst to the changes I needed to make in my life. I think 2011 was the year that I contemplated and started doing some changes. I think 2012 is the year I will actually implement the changes that I feel I need to make in my life. It's hard to believe that it took me two years to finally feel like I am on my feet. Why don't these things happen faster? I guess it may just be my personality, I always take 6-8 months to adjust to a new situation.

Anyway, a lot of change is happening in my life.

First and foremost, 'the diet' thing, I've been thinking about this a lot and I have decided that one of my goals is to stop telling people I need to lose weight. It's become such a common thing to throw out, "What are you eating for lunch?", "Oh, I am having a salad, I need to lose weight!"...gaah, I am sick of hearing myself say this. I have been saying this for the last 5 or so years. I have fought the good fight with the last 20 pds. It's finally won. I am not going to 'try' to lose any weight. I will continue to eat healthy. Hence, the low sugar and intuitive eating thing, which is going amazingly well. My stomach appears SO flat. Bonus!!!

Second, my fitness level. I have been a runner for the last 5 or so years. I don't want to say I've half assed this running thing, but I definitely haven't given it my all. I don't always work to compacity. I've gotten into this lazy pattern of slogging. I am sick of being a slogger. I want to be a RUNNER. So I am changing that, and going to start running on a consistent basis. Every now and then the runner in me comes out and I surprise myself. I am going to get her to make consistent appearances in my running life. On saturday, I kept repeating to myself, "It's SUPPOSED to hurt, run faster!"...it worked, for the most part.

Third, MEN...this year, I did not make a wish at NYE to have a boyfriend by V-day. I think I've had that wish for the last 10 years. I've always dated SOMEONE around V-day, but have never had a boyfriend on V-day. I take that back, I've had a boyfriend maybe 2 of the past 10 years. However, I have never been treated to anything special on V-day. It's acutally become a day I hate. But this year, I have decided that I will stop--ok decrease--the bellyaching about not having a special someone. Bellyaching is not attractive. So I need to shut it.

With the men goal, I have decided that my standards are standards that I want to have, but not live and die by. I am going to start evaluating men on a whole--not on some silly standard I've set forth. I swear my pickiness is WHY I am single. If a man's head is oddly shaped, I will nix him. This year, I will give every guy--ok, not every guy--but most guys a try.

I will also cut dead weight. I had a guy I dated last year text me on Saturday. I responded, but the conversation went the way it always goes--him acting all interested, me getting annoyed because he doesn't want what I want, him getting annoyed at me not playing his game, me getting annoyed for him playing games...so I am going to stop responding to the silly men!!

I also need to cut some unhealthy ties with one guy in particular. It's just a lingering relationship that provides no pleasure to my life, but the occasional jolly. Not what I need. TMI-yes.

Fourth, I want to stop being so selfish. I swear for a Social Worker, I am really selfish. I am going to stop being selfish with my family. They allow me to be pretty selfish and I need to stop that.

Hmm..I think that's all the change this girl can take. I hate change, but it needs to come.

Want to know what brought this on? This morning on the way to work, I heard this song:



I listen to this song all of the time. And I knew it was about Change, but I never really listened to the lyrics. It's all about Holding On, because Change is coming. I realized that while listening to this song, you have to make the changes you want in your life. I think I am pretty good at making things happen for myself, but there are times when I allow myself to be a passive observant of my life. I need to stop that and take the bull by the horns. I am going to make an effort to stop this behavior. Change is coming!!

It's Monday! You know what that means...you get to hear me rambling ;)

This weekend was a pretty uneventful weekend. I met up with my wonderful Black Girls Run group on saturday and had a mostly great 5.7 mile run. 

The run started off awesome. I went into it worried that I would be in pain or not able to sustain a long run because I had not ran in 2+ weeks. But I started and it was great! I started to lose energy towards the end of the run, but it energized me and made me happy that it was so effortless. I also got to run with a new girl. It was funny because I was chatting it up with her while we were running. About a mile in, she looks at me and says, "I really can't run and talk at the same time" lol. Sorry. So I shut up and just supported her when she wanted to stop. Eventually, she joined a group of walkers and I took off ahead of them. I ran mostly alone, but that's ok. I felt the presence of the group, but got the rejuvenation of alone/thinking time. 

On the way home from the run, I got a massive headache. By the time I got home, and cleaned alittle, the headache turned into a full on headache, throat-ache, sneeze fest. Needless to say, I got in bed and didn't get out until yesterday afternoon. I had to skip my planned hills workout, because I was so sick. Dr. Mom dx'd me with having an allergy attack and gave me some benedryl. I feel about 85% better.

This morning, I set my alarm to go out for a few miles of sprints...but I woke up and heard a lot of thundering and lightening. I cut my alarm off and when I woke up the second time, I saw this:

It got worse as I was about to leave for work. There is a tornado watch, so I'm home until it clears up. Score! I needed a day of rest/relaxation. I hate missing work, though. :(

>>>I meant to finish writing this earlier, but I completely forgot <<<

This afternoon, I was able to do a little bit of work. The roads were really bad, so I tried to stay safe!

I also went to the gym for an hr and a half of body pump and intervals. The intervals before body pump was a mixed blessing. I was done by the end of body pump. 

Also, as a bonus, I got to see Lamar pumping iron lol. He didn't see me at first, but he made sure to come by and scope me out in class. I sent him a nice, "stop stalking me" text after class. Lol...

Alright...spin is at 5:30am, so I'm turning in early. 

My no sugar challenge

I started my no sugar challenge on Sunday. I was still in New York, but decided that I needed to start. I got through most of the day, but my loving best friend decided to tempt me with almond cookies. I had one.

Soo…my official start was on Tuesday. I have made it through each day without eating anything that triggers my brain to binge. I have also noticed that when I eat certain things, I get a comfort feeling in my brain. Last night, I decided to mix some Fruity Pebbles in my yogurt. I ate a few out of the box, and I felt a warmth come over my body. It scared me. So, fruity pebbles are crossed off my acceptable food list. Yes, I realize cereal is high in sugar, but I wasn’t sure if it was trigger or not. It did. So no more!

I started this challenge with myself because I realized that sugar is not my friend. I have struggled with the binge feelings for several years. When I lived alone, I binged/purged a lot. Since living with people, I have naturally not binged as much, but it is still an issue. Last year, for several months I gave up sugar, sweeteners and salt—my intent for doing this was weight loss. When I didn’t get below my magic stalling number of 168, I went slowly back to my friend, sugar. I did manage to maintain not adding salt or sweeteners to my food, but the admittance of sugar back into my diet sent my body into an on-going binge.

In November, after several encounters with too much sugar, I decided that in the New Year, I was giving up sugar.

When I made this goal, I spent the next two months eating as much sugar as I want. What addict doesn’t go on one last bender?

While I was on my sugar binge, I had a lot of time to think about what I wanted out of this. I decided that losing weight is secondary to the need to FEEL healthy, lighter and run faster.

So my goal for this year is not to cut the sugar out to lose weight (although, body, it would be a nice bonus ;)), it’s to FEEL better. I think shifting the goal from weight (can’t control) to a feeling (can control) it’s helped me to get through this week.

I was going to go through a detox and really take everything out of my diet, but I decided that was crazy. So for this week, I’ve allowed myself a small amount of savory treats when I have really bad cravings. I have had some pretty mean cravings, so a few chips or a small pc of dark chocolate has been a welcomed relief.

I’ve also noticed that I have been a raving bitch and a paranoid freak all week! I am hoping that as the time passes, this too shall pass. Last night, I am not proud to say, that I totally freaked out on my little sister for making noise with the dog. Looking back, I was tired and I wanted SOMETHING, I should have closed myself in my room and went to sleep. After last night, I realized that this isn’t going to be a cakewalk. It’s taking dedication and me finding alternate ways to handle when I am upset.

Since I need to go basic with myself, I bought a calendar and stickers to mark my good and bad days. I need to build in incentives. I’d love to give myself a few dollars a week for good behavior, but I have so many big things coming up this year, that it is best if I save as much as possible. So far, just seeing more stickers than L has helped me.

I have made a list of acceptable sweet things:

Dark Chocolate. I buy the Bliss Dark Chocolate squares and have a few a day. The dark chocolate is not sweet enough to trigger me, but it’s sweet enough to help me through a bad craving.

Yogurt covered pretzels. This is just in extreme cases of needing something. I am not crazy about pretzels, so I doubt this will become a habit.

Peppermint sticks. I bought a few small ones to eat when I want something in my mouth.

Creamer in my coffee. I don’t add sweeteners to my coffee, but I love creamer. I have switched to the natural sweetener, which is not as sweet as the others.

This list will be modified throughout the year. I will test different stuff out and omit or add.

My goal for this year is to just be healthier.

With this goal, I have also decided to do intuitive eating:

Eat when I am hungry

Eat what I want

Stop when I am full

Intuitive eating will also be a work in progress.

I have decided to work on my dieting frame of mind, because I am sick of the dieting, binge, gain, lose, dieting, etc, cycle. I just want to be healthy. I want to get to my feel good weight and just maintain.

I am not expecting perfection, but I will give my best!

It's been a whirlwind kind of week! Sit down with a cup of coffee or something because this will be a long post!

This will be a New York City recap of sorts!

Just to rewind, I moved to New York City at the very young age of 20. I went to both undergraduate and graduate school up East. While there, I also worked at several different jobs, grew up, met wonderful friends and made New York City my home. Every year around the holidays I go up to visit my New York 'families'. I have several friends in NYC, but my two 'families' are the familes of friends who basically took me in and made me feel like New York was my home.

When I arrived on Saturday, I stayed with my friend Phyllis and her family in Long Island. I only stayed with them 2 nights, but it was so nice to be back at their house. I love their family, because it reminds me of my own. Loving, but chaotic. My friend has a 3 year old, so we did some traditional stuff with him.

We attempted to make a Gingerbread House. This was our finished product:

The kids (and I) ate more candy than we put on the gingerbread house. We also used way too much frosting on the house, but it was so fun.

You can't tell me this doesn't look like a face of excitement:

On Monday evening, after a LOONG day of shopping, I went to my friend Zoi's House.

Zoi and I went to SJU together and have been friends for several years. In our college days, we were eating and drinking buddies, but since getting older, we have matured and now have 'healthy' snacks:

That's right, we ate pickles, hummus, pita chips and cheese the first night while chatting til the wee hours of the morning.

Our old snacks always consisted of Double Stuff Oreos and Skim Milk and chips. Oh and lots of alcohol.

We did have alcohol this time, also...but there is no photo evidence of that.

The week at her house was quite, quite, QUITE eventful. I will not go into it, but we spent many days here:

No, no neither of us were in criminal trouble. But I will just say drugs are a terrible thing! It can ruin a family. While this was not what we intended to do all week, I am glad I was there to support my friend and her family through a tough situation. The precinct provided plenty of laughs!

The 114th precinct holds a special place in my heart, because it is the first place I ever dealt with when I started my career in Human Services. When I was in ugrad, I had to do an internship. My first outing as a baby caseworker was to drop off a kid to the 114th. The social worker I was with, left me at the precinct. She must have thought since I lived in NYC, I actually knew how to get around the city. WRONG! That day was the first day I had ever ridden public transportation alone. Scary!

Anyway, my trip was very nice. I was able to visit several friends.

First I met up with my Jersey friend, Kristen:

Kristen and I met on a message board that shall remain UNNAMED, and have become close friends. She is one of my only single friends. I so enjoy having her to bouce my crazy off of! It was the first time we met, and we hit it off instantly (like I knew we would!). We are going to DC for a half marathon in March. I can't wait to have several days to talk non-stop ;)

Zoi also came with us to the city. She was only mildly alarmed that Kristen and I had never met before LOL

Aside from meeting up with Kristen, I also met up with my old roomie and a college friend. Sorry, I completely forgot to take pics. However, it was SO good to get together with them. I hadn't seen Paula in 2 years and Blanca in about 8 years! It was a great evening of gabbing and catching up. Paula and Blanca didn't know each other, but they hit it off! Nice night of gabbing about men and the single life. Although, Paula is close to marriage now!

It's funny, Paula and I used to hang out with two other girls. We called ourselves the ethnic Sex in the City. We were four girls looking for love.We went out together a lot. Anyway, when I moved out of the City, Paula said, 'watch you will be married within the year.'...well, about 6 months after I moved back home, she called me and told me she met a guy. Now 2 years later, THEY are talking marriage. SO happy for her! Now will my husband PLEASE stand up ;)

On NYE, my friends Zoi and Danny had a house party. We had about 10 people. It was SO much fun. All of the friends there met through Zoi, but we have all become a fun group to hang out with. Lots of laugh, lots of liquor, and lots of fun.

These were my hosts for the week. Danny looks so hardcore in his ear muffs, right?

Zoi and Danny are getting married this year. I feel like I've watched their relationship grow into such a good thing. I am so excited for them. Zoi and I also went dress shopping. No pics of the dresses, obviously. She looked beautiful though. I had stifle back the tears. On 10/19/12, I fear we will all be blubbering messes.

Other highlights from my trip:

I wore red underwear on NYE. Kristen told me that we had to wear red. Red is supposed to bring love to your life. I took choosing a pair of underswear very seriously. I ended up choosing a pair of red lace trimmed undies with roses on them. In my head, they signified love, stability, romance, flirtiness and playfulness. All things I'd like in a relationship.

It was warm. Last year when I went, there was a snowstorm. This year when I went, I was able to leave the house without a coat a few days. Felt so good.

Bagels. I had the best bagel ever from Brooklyn Bagel.

My DL was left at VS. When I was leaving on Monday morning, I realized that my ID was MIA! Turns out when I opened the VS card, the lady never gave me my DL back. Thankfully, they were very nice and FedExed it back to me. They also sent me a 30% off my next purchase coupon. Score! More red undies for my lovah ;)

I hardly slept. I didn't go to sleep until 2-3 most nights. I am SO tired, but it was SO worth it.

I started my no sugar challenge. I started my challenge on 1/1. I didn't make it through the day, but knowing I was starting the challenge helped me choose my sugar wisely.

I ate too much. I ate my way through NYC. However, I don't care. I go once a year and NY has too much good food! I love the different ethnic food.

I laughed a lot. I laughed and laughed and laughed. It was good for my soul. 

I didn't run. I packed a few running pants to run. But I never made it out for a run. I am glad I didn't. I was on vacation. My body needed a rest. I did discover that running tights make great leggings ;)

I had so much fun and can't wait to go back!!

Happy 2012!

Last night we partied hard. I'm up with a tiny bit of a hangover and I am ready to start this whole no refined sugar thing.

I'm a little too tipsy to elaborate now, but HAPPY NEW YEAR!

And I'm starting today, because:

More later!