Dear God, it's me, the slogger

I don't really have a topic to write on this week, but I thought I'd do a confessions style blog.

Here are all my ran-dumb thoughts for the week, day, hour, minute:

1. I lost 1.6 at WI on wednesday. I am in WL challenge, and WI'd in for that this morning. I lost another .2 since wednesday, bringing my total weight loss for the week to 2 pds. Whoop!

2. My house has to be completely re-wired (electricity)...the first phase of that is happening tomorrow. I've never been so excited to see a new breaker box sitting in my living room. We are hoping that the new breaker box will kick the AC on, at least for one summer!

3. Weddings are expensive. No, I am not even getting married...just have two very close people in my life who have chosen to get married within 3 months of each other. I AM super excited about getting dressed up and standing up with my girls. I am also excited about throwing my sister a bridal shower, buying something she has wanted for a long time as her shower gift, and giving my sister's wedding speech. It's going to be so cool to see my older sister get married. I mean, we are still kids, right? I can't even imagine us being old enough to get married. I am equally excited about my bestfriend's wedding. It is a different feeling for her wedding vs. my sister's, though.

4. I have had a good running week this week:
Monday-3.1 Recovery run
Tuesday-Spin
Wednesday-rest
Thursday-3 miles of speed work-.5 w/u, .2, .4, .6, .2, .2, .2, cool down jog. I ran the intervals at a pace between 9:40 and 9:22. My fat legs were booking it!
Friday-strength training (will do tonight)
Saturday-6 mile run (planned)

5. Men are so funny and weird. I am in a weird place with regards to relationships. I am FINALLY settled and not 'searching.' It's a freeing, good feeling. I love not feeling that yearning every moment of every day. I have had some interesting conversations with men lately and it's so nice to hear their perspective. It also solidifies what I want and need. Must.Not.Settle.

6. I love my new puppy. He is just a big ball of love and so sweet. This morning he tried to climb his very big self into my lap while I was eating breakfast. I love when he has his innocent puppy eyes on. So cute!

7. I also love my kitty. She is such a constant in my life. Never leaves my side and always seems to know when I need lovin'. She hates her brother, though. Her brother is afraid of her, too. He cracks us all up when he is running from her. It's sheer terror, which is funny because she is about 10 pds and he is about 50.

8. I really want to be a WW leader. When I sat in my first meeting since returning, the feeling of being a leader just hit me. I have gotten comments about me being a leader before, but it was never what I wanted to do. However, now the feeling is SO real. I am hoping that carries me to goal. I would love to run a 100+ meeting. I love seeing people lose very large amounts of weight without any interventions. It's grueling, it takes a long time, it's rewarding. I want to someday help others get to their goals!

9. I am having so many daydreams about sitting on my patio, sipping wine. I can't wait to move in!

10. I want a garden. Like a huge flower and vegatable garden. Must make that happen.

10+1. I bought a lot of paint this weekend. I am trying my hand at painting some wooden furniture my mom was going to throw out. That can be a disaster. ;)

I am looking forward to a good, sunny, productive weekend!

Weekend Eats Report

Some bloggers do race reports.

I do Eat Reports.

Let's start with Friday.

I started the day with a 30 min full body workout. I hurt all over. But felt so good. I went into the day knowing I would be challenged with my eating. I had three different eating out engagements.

My friend wanted to meet for lunch, my coworkers planned happy hour, and my soon-to-be brother-in-law wanted to go out to eat with a few friends for his birthday. Lots of planning and worrying.

Due to time constraints, lunch with my friend was cancelled. I ended up picking up a soup from Whole Foods on the way into my office. Happy Hour was also good. I was starving so I went ahead and ate dinner plus had ONE drink. It helped that my coworkers also only had one round...so it didn't look awkward to just have one round of drinks. Dinner was good, also. I didn't eat with the crew, but I had a small piece of cake. I went to bed feeling GOOD. I stuck to my plan!

Saturday started out with a 5 mile run. I also had plans to go look at a 9 month old Lab puppy. I had to drive about an hr and a half out of town to pick him up. So I ate a snack on the way out. My sister wanted to stop somewhere on the way home. I ended up stopping at Wendy's and got a small frosty and a small chili. My parents had been out of town for a week, so they wanted to go out to dinner when they got home. We went to TX Roadhouse. I really wanted ribs. So I got the Ranger Meal Rib Basket. 4 baby back ribs and fries (yes, fries). I did NOT eat a roll! I did have another piece of birthday cake and a bite of Reese's PB egg. I went to bed feeling good again.

Sounds good, right?

Well, then Sunday had to come and ruin the brag.

It starts really well. I had a good breakfast, took my new puppy for a walk (yes, I got him!)...then I had to go to my house to let the electrician in to do the electrical work I need done so I can FINALLY move. Umm...guy wasn't there. Stayed there until 10. Finally I got a voicemail saying his mom had a stroke and he wouldn't be coming. Can I have ANY worse luck with regards to this house??

I was in a bad mood all day, pretty much.

I tried to control myself. We went to Costco and I rationed my samples. I also got one scoop of Pistachio Gelato. That stuff is CALORIC! When I went to journal, I ended up with no points, plus going into my weeklies and I didn't even eat dinner.

I basically said, eff it, and ate 2 heaping spoonfuls of Biscoff Spead, 2 mini butterfingers and 1 devil's food cake.

I felt SICK and pissed at myself last night. What type of rationale is it to FURTHER over eat when I was out of points?

I am taking to public humilation. I wrote a note to myself and outlined WHAT I ate and made it my lockscreen on my phone.

This morning is a new week. I am scared that I won't have a loss...but I am going to give it a good try until Wednesday.

In other news:

I got a puppy. His name is Sam, Sammy, Samuel or...Cash. LOL. He came to me with the name Cash. I don't really like it. I think he looks like a Sam, but sometimes Cash does come out when I call him. He is such a good dog. He knows I am his master, so he basically trots after me all day. He is also full on lab puppy. He has one speed-fast! The older dog and cat hate him. Poor thing :( I love him, though. I went from being ambivalent about getting a puppy to thrilled. He is just what I need--energetic to run with, but calm at home.

I am in my second week of operation 2:45 half marathon. I've some really good runs, but I have been sore. I need new shoes. I must get those this week, find my garmin charger--it got lost in the move, and get a camelback.

I think that's all the 'other news' I have.

Ta-ta for now!

First week back results!

I am happy to report that my first week back to Weight Watchers yielded a 6.4 loss! Yay!

I was elated when I saw the nice drop. I am elated that I have been following the program and not trying to cheat.

Yesterday we spoke about how to outsmart the grocery store. Since I have been on this journey, I typically don't buy cookies and chips (as a rule). I normally shop the periphery of the store.

However, yesterday as I was sitting in the meeting, I started to think that the junk doesn't enter my life on normal grocery shopping trips. The junk (and the extra money I spend) comes when I am craving something mid-week. I have decided to only shop once a week! I think once a week will help me not make impulse stops to the store for a bottle of wine, a box of cookies, a bag of chips, a package of twizzlers (that I ate in one sitting the week before last).

I am really going to focus on being honest with myself.

Last night at the meeting a lady made lifetime. As I saw there watching her get all of her lifetime stuff, I didn't think "she *just* lost X" pds or "she has ONLY been on the plan for a few months"...I sat there, teared up a bit (dork-alert) and was genuinely happy for her. I have finally realized that weight is hard to lose, no matter what you are losing.

I also started to envision myself up there getting my lifetime stuff. I have never really put importance on lifetime status. I think I am going to aim for goal+lifetime.

I think this time I can do it. I just have to believe in myself!

Impulsivity is dangerous

One of my many endearing character traits is impulsivity.

My mom's favorite equation to teach me when I was a kid was:

A+B=C.

A=action
B=result
C=consequence

B has never really entered my life..

My favorite equation was

A ----------- C

~I stuck a key in an electrical socket when I was 4. The whole wall turned black. Thankfully, Chrysler made their key chains with leather. Apparently leather does something or doesn't do something with electricity?
~I greased the dog with vaseline when I was 6. Like totally greased him up. My mom was less than impressed.
~I wrote on my mom's new washer and dryer when I was 8--actually, I wrote on everything from the time I could write until I went to college...probably.
~I played chicken in the street (with a friend) until I was about 10. And got caught by a neighbor.
~I always spoke before I thought.
~I decided to move to NYC on a whim.
~I decided to get a tattoo on a whim. Woke up saturday morning and decided it would be a good day for a tattoo--did that three times.
~I got a tongue ring while just on a shopping trip to the mall.

I am not listing the dumb things I have done in vain...

I am trying to make the point that I am impulsive.

I get an idea in my head and I execute it without thought...

Why am I writing about this?

Well, I was reading a blog last week. The blogger is a Iron(wo)man, a 3:09 marathoner, an *athlete*. She was chosen to be an ambassador for Underarmor's 'I am beautiful' campaign. She set a goal and will meet it in 9 week.

You know where this going right?

I decided to set a goal and attain it in 9 weeks.

I set the goal to run a 2:45 half marathon on July 14, 2012.

The goal isn't the crazy part.

The crazy part is that I am willingly running a half marathon--13.1, in TX, in JULY.

How freaking crazy is that???

I am in the midst of working up a good training plan to help me get to that goal. I will also have to focus on hydration and salt replenishing in the high heat. The race start is 6:30 and the course will close at 9:30, so I am hoping the early start will help with the heat.

Besides the heat part, I am crazy excited that I actually have a goal pace. I have run 2 half marathon's with no real thought of pace.

I am looking forward to training and executing a fun/speedy (for me) race.

Motivation: The 'it takes too long' edition

I want to stay with the theme of motivation.

I have been thinking a lot about motivation since last wednesday.

While sitting in the meeting room, I was listening to the (very good) motivators that were being thrown out, but I couldn't help but think to myself, 'but what about those people who have been at this for YEARS'...how do THEY keep the motivation to persist?

That is the crux of my issue. It's something that stays on my mind, especially lately.

I have been at this since September 1999.

Roughly 12 years. In those 12 years, I have lost a lot-- but also went to college, went through a million relationships, went through several moves, and just lived life.

I have always been 80/20 with my weight loss goals. I think this is what has kept me from not gaining all of the weight back.

However, I always see people who have a lot to lose say, 'it takes so long' and get discouraged and stop.

Yes, it takes a long time; yes, it's tedious; no, it's not FAIR--but, when it's done, it's done!

I want to tackle another 40-50 pds. I wrote out my current motivators in my last post, but in this post, I want to highlight some reasons WHY I continue this and have for 12 years.

~I enjoy feeling comfortable in my own skin.
~I like not having to buy plus sized clothing.
~I like being the girl who workouts regularly.
~I like feeling in control--most of the time.
~I like when people say I inspire them.
~I like when I walk into a room, I don't feel insecure.
~I like being an example to my younger sister.
~I like not having to worry about if my stomach will touch the steering wheel of my car. (I remember being deathly afraid of this when I first started driving).
~I like not ever having to worry about breaking a chair again. (I did this once)
~I like not ever having to worry about getting on a crowded elevator. (I hated when I got on and it would drop a little--mortified!)
~I like not worrying about being 'too fat' for a date. I feel like I am normal enough, that men don't notice the 'extra' pds ;) (this one could just be in my head)

I know there are a million more changes in my life that losing weight has done. I know there are a million MORE changes that can happen if I lose more weight.

I try to look back at my journey, but also look ahead at my unwalked journey.

I have adopted the motto of "it never ends"...I think end dates, are just that. It ends, you move on to the next goal. However, with fitness, does it really ever end? Probably not. And I think that's normal!

So with that said, how is WW going?

Well, it's been a whole 4 days and I am doing very well, if I do say so myself! I got through a whole weekend of journalling and being on plan. I have 8 weeklies left, 24 activity points earned. I am still learning the tricks to the trade, but overall, I feel good and optimistic that this time could be it.

What Motivates You?

As promised, I rejoined Weight Watchers on wednesday.

I did well eating wise all day on wednesday; when I got home, I decided to have one last free for all... I was lying down on my pallete in my room (yes, all my stuff is at the new house, but for reasons beyond my control, I haven't physically moved in..yet), and contemplated not going to the meeting. You know how the song goes, 'I will do better tomorrow', 'I don't need weight watchers telling me what to eat', 'I don't have an extra 40.00 42.95 a month' ...my stomach turned from the overwhelming amount of food I consumed, and before I could even stop myself, I got in my car and headed to the meeting.

The topic was so fitting--"What Motivates You!"

The leader was standing at the front telling her story of how she came to weight watchers. Everyone was going around the room stating reasons they are motivated. I sat in my seat racking my brain for motivation reasons.

Don't get me wrong, when I started this journey, I had plenty of reasons--we will just call them "Dalvin", then "Will"...oh and vanity.

But 12 years in, nearly 100 pds down (had a regain)...

What motivates me?

I decided to really think of a list of motivators. I think part of my issue with not getting the rest of the weight off is that I am complacent. I get to a weight of about 168-175 and feel good. Ironically, I get a lot of dates around 175. 168 I feel good, fit into a 10...and then I decide to reason with myself about losing the rest.

So here is the list:
My sister's wedding on 8/25. I do not want to go to her wedding not feeling 'fly'. I am the maid of honor, I will be speaking at the reception. I want to stand up, in my kickass dress, nice shoes, impeccable curly hair and feel like I am 'the bomb'. I don't want to feel frumpy, fat, or like I have to hide behind my little sister (who will be standing up with me during the speech).

My bestfriend's wedding on 10/19. Again, I just want to feel FLY! I don't want to be the one in the bridal party calling myself fat, or hiding behind someone. I want to look how I feel -- most of the time.

A little ole marathon on 11/11/2012. I will be running my first marathon on 11/11. I want to toe that starting line as prepared as possible. I want to FEEL like my body can carry me 26.2 miles. I won't feel that way if I am carrying this extra weight.

I want to fit into ALL of my size 10s, and move on to size 8s.

I want a tummy tuck. I also don't want to refat my arms that I paid so much money for.

So those are just a few motivators. Of course, most are superficial and vain, but I have to be honest...I have no health issues, so vanity is my number 1 priority.

With that said, I have ONE full day on plan. 1 day down, 4490802432983283029 to go. :)

I am very proud of myself because yesterday, I had to work a full day, then go get my tires changed, then go to a performance at my sister's school. I didn't get home until almost 9pm. I was STARVING. Thankfully, I had a cliff bar in my car that I was able to eat between the tire shop and the performance, but those go right through me. When I get home, I did NOT binge, I just ate a smaller dinner (lots of fresh vegs) and had watermelon plus a 100 cal fudge bar.

CONTROL! Love it :)

Hi, ho back to Weight Watchers I go!

I have been trying to do this on my own for about 2 years now. I do well, get off plan, gain, get back on a plan, lose, get off, gain, etc. Before I moved back to Houston, I would always go back to weight watchers when I had a gain. Since moving back, I haven't found a meeting I like, so I haven't rejoined. Well, after some thought, I am rejoining.

Yesterday I wore a pair of capris that I have had for several years. They were tight! Tight to the point of my not being comfortable in them.

Today I am wearing a pair of jeans that have always been loose on me. They are tight.

Something has to change.

Soo...I am going back to weight watchers. My ole faithful. I started losing weight and lost most of my 100 pds with weight watchers, so it's like going home, actually.

I am actually looking forward to weighing, the anticipation of a loss, the disappointment of a maintain or gain, the accountability, paying those people my 40/mo, etc.

I am a dork, I know. However, losing weight is all I know...so I am sort of looking forward to being accountable again.

Another side of me is angry that I can exercise 5-6 times a week, eat reasonably well (too much sugar, sure) and gain. I mean, I don't eat fast food, I don't drink sugared drinks, I rarely eat candy or chips, etc...but I still gain. That makes me a tad bit angry, but it's life. Accepting that I will always have to watch my weight and what enters my body is the hardest part of this journey.

May Goals that I am actually sticking to!

I am so good at settings goals for myself...

My issue is sticking to them. I think I set the bar too high and then I get discouraged.

Last month, I completed a 30 Day Shred Challenge. I am SO proud of myself for completing the challenge. I did miss 2 days (that I will make up). While doing this challenge, I made Shredding my priority. So while I Shredded daily, I did not keep up with 3 runs a week or weekly spin.

I also didn't stick to any diet plan--unless, you want to count the 'eat whatever you want' or 'eat sugar until you want to puke' a diet..

This month, I have goals. I am turning 30 on friday. I hear people in their 30's actually have goals and want to do stuff with their lives...

So for the month of May, I will...

1. Do Ripped in 30 5 days a week. Thank Goodness our drill sergeant leader decided to allow 2 days of rest.

2. Crosstrain 3x a week. I WILL! I will either spin 2 days a week and run or run 2 days a week and spin. I am not putting a real perimeter on this. I just need the cardio+strength mix. I THINK I am bailing on the idea of a half in July. I think that may be a little crazy to do in TX heat. I will be running a 10 mile in October and the Marathon in November.

3. No sugar for 30 days. I am giving myself 6 passes. My birthday IS friday and while I am not doing anything special, I will have cake. I am also having a party for a group of boys I have been working with all year. The boys want cake! I will also have wine tonight...

I think that's enough for my commitment-phobe self.

Ran-dumb running/exercise thoughts (and why I want to lose weight #9)

Am I the only one that has wild thoughts, writes speeches, has arguments with people, creates to do list?

Like have you ever been spinning your heart out, and BAM your ex's ugly face comes into your head and says something that pisses you off?

Or, you are having a great run, you feel strong, you feel sexy and strong; then BAM, a comment a bitch made to you MONTHS ago resurfaces and you get all angry. And isn't it funny that when something like thsi happens, you have the perfect comeback?

Or, you are having a good run, and you start thinking about the kid who stepped on your foot when you were 10. You KNOW it was on purpose, so you go through a whole list of things you'd tell the kid.

Or, you are having a great spinning day and you start thinking about your sister getting married, so you start writing her speech? I may or may not have written my bestfriend AND my sister's wedding speeches, my commencement speech, my acceptance speech for Social Worker of the year. During all of this 'writing', I also teared up at the honor of being 'asked' to do these things. Yes, I am crazy.

Or, have you ever had a daydream so good, you didn't want to stop the exercise?

I love daydreaming and thinking. I am often found staring into space with deep thoughts. I often have trouble sleeping because of my thoughts. However, now with exercise, I find myself being able to channel the thoughts into the exercise.

It's funny ran-dumb thoughts while running also seem like dreams. Once I finish the run/exercise, they dissipate and I have to try to remember what I thought about.

I am obviously on a very good exercise high right now, can you tell? 

Reason #9
I want to lose weight because I want to fit into ALL of my size 10's and I want to get to size 8. When I first started losing weight, my goal was a size 12. I got to size 12, my goal became a 10. Now I would like to aim for an 8. I think I was able to fit into an 8 for about 3 mins. Now I am between a 10 (on a good day) - 12 (the rest of the time). Kidding, I fit into more of my 10's than 12's, but they are a bit tighter than I prefer. 

Today is also a very big day! This evening, the movers come! Yay! I just have a few more hours in between me, my stuff and an empty house that will soon be filled with my parent's old furniture. ;)

I also have two bottles of wine being chilled in the refrigerator. A glass of wine, my TV  and alone time await me!

Woohoo!