Monday Morning Rambling!

I started dieting 13 years ago...that seems SO long ago, but it also seems like such a short time ago. I started dieting my senior year of high school. I was 268. I had just gotten back from a cruise with my family where my sister took a picture of me laying across my bed and I looked like a 'brown whale'...no joke. In all of our cruise pictures, I was bigger than everyone..even my dad. The senior year was starting, I knew prom was coming and I wanted a date. So I started losing weight.

Over that year, I tried a million different diets--these are a few of my faves:

I actually went to WW, first. I weighed in at 268.8 and never went back...for a few years.

Instead of WW, my 17 yr old brain chose good ole faithful--starvation. I'd eat nothing for breakfast, a diet coke for lunch, and vegatable soup for dinner. That lasted about a month or so. I lost probably 10 or so pds. Of course, the starvation diet didn't last long...

I moved on to the Carbohydrates Lover's Diet. I would eat nothing all day,and then gorge for an hr. That last a few months and another 15-20 pds.

By this time, I had lost 30-35 pds. It was the end of the year, I was down a few sizes and felt great. I didn't get a date to prom...but the guy I was IN LOVE with DID notice the weight loss. He told my BFF how great I looked, called me his baby...and I never heard from him again. Actually, I did...I got an invitation to his wedding about a year later. Story of my life...

I maintained the 35 pd loss...and managed to lose another 15-20 pds. I hovered around 200 pds a long time.

I moved to NYC when I was 20 years old. When I moved to NYC, I had a roommate who had recently lost a lot of weight. She had gotten into running a lot, so we encouraged each other. I was working out 5 times a week, and eating right 5 days a week. I actually rejoined WW. I was following the plan loosely, but tightly enough to actually lose weight. When I went back to Houston for Thanksgiving break, I was around 182. My family thought I looked GREAT! I felt great. One fatal flaw with this plan was my roommate not only encouraged me, she also became my binging buddy. We would restrict all week long, and eat all weekend long. Our metabolisms were still young enough to take this type of abuse.

I managed to maintain 182 throughout the rest of my undergraduate school career.

When I finished UG, I moved in with a guy I was dating at the time. He became my eating buddy. He was always trying to feed me! I also got my first 'real' job and ate lunch out everyday. I rapidly gained 20 or so pds. When I rejoined WW, I was 204.

I faithfully went to WW, I adopted all of the principles and lost to 165. I stopped going when I got a high stress job and started graduate school.

I still (to this day) maintain a lot of the principles I've learned through WW...but I haven't been a faithful member since I stopped that meeting. I always joined when I had a small regain, lose that weight and stop going.

Why am I talking about this? Especially since one of my goals for the year was to NOT diet...

Well, I think once a dieter, always a dieter. As much as I want to go off of my own free will regards to losing weight/maintaining a healthy lifestyle. I am craving that "eat this, not that" mentality of a diet.

So my current quandry is, should I go back to an eating plan? My family recently joined WW. I've thought about going with them. But then that's another 40.00 a month that I'll be paying out. Maybe MyFitnessPal?

I think before deciding if I want to do a diet, I'll go back to journalling and stick to my goal of measuring everything that goes into my mouth. Of course at breakfast, I forgot to measure the breakfast sausage I used AND creamer. I actually didn't forget to measure my coffee creamer...it's like I have a mental block against measuring that stuff. It's especially bad now that I've switched to a Low Sugar Natural Creamer.

I have always had the attitude that I must watch what I eat the rest of my  life. For the most part, I do watch what I eat...but I think I need to get back to that obsessive stage I was in at the very beginning of my WL. Of course, I'd NEVER starve myself again. That was 17 yr old nuttiness at play. But when I was on WW, I was super anal about my points and what I used them for. I wonder if I can get back to that. Maybe that should be my February challenge?

I didn't get my run in this morning. I will do it on the TM this evening. I may have to missBody Pump :( I scheduled a client at the time of Body Pump. I will see what time allows this evening.

Ok, I have no more time for rambling...

Thanks for listening :)

A week in review...a new week starts

I went into this week feeling bloated. My period had recently started and I got massive bloat. Of course with bloat, comes the thoughts of, "what have I been eating", "I need to clean up my diet", and the old time fave..."I FEEEEEL FAAAATTTT"

Sooo...

Last Sunday, I set the week up with some goals--no chips and 5 days of working out.

I added the no chips goal because since going lower sugar, I've allowed myself to eat chips. Chips aren't a trigger for me, so it was a safe, indulgent food...well, hello, chips aren't healthy. So they must go. I didn't eat chips all week, but I did eat 3 servings yesterday. Umm...yea. My dad bought two bags and I was at them. Oh well...chips happen. 

I also found this funny shirt on Facebook. It sort of fit:

Chips aren't really a trigger food for me, so this challenge wasn't that hard and I don't mind chips occasionally. 

Here are the workouts I committed to for the week:

 

Monday-body pump-check! Great class, actually.
Tuesday-spin+run/walk on the TM-check!
Wednesday-rest-double check. My favorite days of the week ;)
Thursday's 3-4 mile run turned into my long run for the week. So, def check!
Friday-rest! After the long run, I needed a rest. 
Saturday-5.5 miles...check.

Sunday has become a wild card sort of day. Traditionally, it's my DOR. My group decided to do speed work on Sunday...but no one showed last week. So I didn't make an event for this Sunday. My plan was yoga, but I woke up too late for the class. I could do in home yoga...but I haven't made it that far, yet. I will see...

This week's workout plans will be similar to last week, with a few changes:

Monday- 3 mile run plus Body Pump. 3 miles will probably be sprints.
Tuesday-spin+1-2 miles on the TM.
Wednesday-dor or maybe strength
Thursday-run
Friday-rest
Saturday-run
Sunday-yoga

Diet goals will be to measure everthing! I used to be so good about using my measuring cups, spoons and scale. I need to get back to consistent use. So this week, I tackle that. Convienently, I didn't measure my coffee creamer this morning. I did measure the mayo I used on my breakfast sandwich. 

I leave you with this picture. So often I get the "but I can't do it", "it will NEVVVVVVVERRRRR happen", "whhhhhhy"....I saw this picture on Facebook and duh...just because it's not happening now doesn't mean it won't. That's my motivational thought for the week.

Running, running, running...

Since my half is in March, I've been racking up the mileage. I spent the first few weeks of training, crying about having to run more (duh)...now I'm actually embracing the running and liking it.

I ran my long run on Thursday, so this morning I only needed 3-4 miles. I ended up going 5.5 miles. 5 miles running, .5 walking. 

The run started off ok. When I got to the park, the group I was running with was dispersing. Yes, I was a bit late. So I wasn't too much in a rush to start. I went to the restroom, and then started. I also decided that running with music would be good...so I ran with music. Thanks to my little sister for convincing me to put Beyonce on pandora. Beyonce and I jammed for 5 miles.

The first mile was ok. I had my sweater on, so I was a little hot. I was actually running at a good clip, even though my breathing wasn't good. I am getting a cold and it's effecting my breathing. 

The second mile was actually good. I was passing people...ok, ok they were walkers, but I was passing them. Actually, this old walking guy passed me at one point. He was flying-walking, if you ask me! 

Third mile took forever! I went off of the trail and over a bridge (a pedestrian bridge), and over to a path to another part of the trail. I pass this area on the way to work all of the time. It's slightly hilly, so I've always wanted to run over it. It felt good to do the inclines. Houston is flatter than flat, so the hills are a nice change.

Mile 4 flew by! I looked at my watch and saw 3 miles, then I looked down and saw 4. Very strange. Very cool. And obviously effortless. While doing this mile, I did see these fast chicks lapping me. I saw them on my way up and saw them again on the way down. Definitely raises the spirits--not! Lol.

Mile 5 was slower than slow. Not sure what happened...but it was hard getting up to mile 5. Finally it came and I was able to stop :)

I cut off my watch and walked the .5 to the group. They were doing yoga. I did a few poses.

I was going to go to brunch afterwards, but I got lost and could not find the restaurant. If I am honest with myself, I looked but I was getting a little nervous about going. I see these ladies every saturday and they are always so nice...but sometimes that social phobia comes back to haunt me. I stepped out of my comfort zone before, I can do it again. I know I can! Next saturday I'm going to brunch. 

This run was a good run. I didn't go totally easy on myself, but I did push myself too hard. I just allowed myself to listen to the music, take in the scenery and enjoy the moment. I looked at my watch, took notice of my speed...but I did not try to change it if I was going too "slow". 

I was thinking that I need to get back to a place of being OK with who I am. I get so caught in trying to run other's paces...and while that is good, I still need to do some easy enjoyable runs. 

I'm glad I went further than I had to go. 5 miles always looks so much better than 3 miles on my calendar. 

Speaking of calendars, I am going to do an update tomorrow on how I did over the week diet/exercise wise.

Also, since it's the end of the month, I plan on doing an update on my weight and low sugar challenge. I will post my messy calendars :)

Have a good day!

Power through or Stop?

My long run for this week was 7 miles.

I normally do my long runs on Saturday morning. The group I run with on saturday now does yoga after the run AND goes to brunch. I missed brunch a few saturdays ago and I never make it back in time for yoga. So, this week, I decided to do my long run on Friday morning. However, on my group's facebook page, a shout out for a thursday evening run. I thought I'd just do my long run on thursday evening, sleep in on friday, do a shorter run on saturday and go to brunch. (I really am looking forward to brunch :P)

I get home, my sister and niece were there, so I got caught up in talking/playing with them. I rushed out of the house without a bottle of water OR eating anything before the run. Ideally, I would have a tablespoon of natural PB and an apple. When I got into my car, I noticed I had a box of raisins--thank goodness! They came in handy.

I got to the park and the ladies told me that we would do 2/1 intervals. One girl wanted to do 6 miles, so the plan was we would do 2/1 intervals with the other girls for 3-3.5 miles, then we would continue on for 6 miles, and I would do the final mile by myself.

Good plan, right? Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans...

They are destine for failure.

We started the run, I was a bit out of breath, but able to keep up. We got to mile 1 pretty quickly. We did about an 11 mm (run/walking intervals). This is faster than I normally do my long runs, or better yet, any run. But I was feeling ok, so I decided to keep up with the girls.

Mile 1-2 was a distaster!! I suddenly got a very bad pain in my calves. I tried to run through the pain, but knew I needed to stop and re-lace and stretch. I also had to use the restrom. By this time, the girls were about a block ahead of me. They turned around to see where I was, but I waved them ahead.

I stopped and used the restroom. I also retied my laces and stretched. I actually thought about turning around and going back to my car. I was at 1.14 miles at this point.

I told myself to buck up and power through. I started jogging REALLY slowing, until the pain in my calves subsided.

Miles 2-3 were spent jogging really slowly. I actually saw my group up ahead. They very nicely waited for me at the entrance of the park to make sure I hadn't keeled over. I was able to trail them until 3.5 miles. When they stopped...

I was tempted to leave the park, also. However, I told myself I would do 7 miles. By this time, it was getting darker. The park we were at is a wooded park with shallow streams of water. There are also signs all over saiying, "Beware of Alligators." There is also NO lightening on the trails (WTF, City of SL??).

I ate half my box of raisins, drank some water at a fountain and continued down an unlighted trail. I was actually getting some energy and felt great. But, it was getting dark.  There were also a lot of rabbits and I kept hearing rumbling in the wooded areas. I was getting FREAKED out. So I ran this part very fast. At one point, I thought about someone hiding waiting to get me. I fortunately hit 5 miles by the time I was finished with this part of the trail.

So anyway, I get back to the main part of the park. Two boot camp classes were going on, so I felt safe in that area. I decided that I would just loop around this part until I got to 7 miles. I stopped at the water fountains--and they cut them off!!! I started panicking at the thought of going two more miles with no water. However, stubborn as I am, I kept going.

I did one loop around the park and it was a whole .35 miles. I KNEW I'd go crazy looping that area.

So I saw some people walking and they told me there were people on the trail. So I went on the trail. It was SO dark. I kept asking myself, "Nichelle, WHY are you doing this??" ...but, I couldn't stop! Not because it was one of those great, soul pumping runs...it was actually pretty shitty. I had bursts of energy, but it wasn't a great, I can't stop feeling. It was more of a "please stop" feeling. But, I kept going...

I finally got to 6.5 and knew that .5 miles was nothing. The last .5 miles went by in a flash.

When I saw 7 miles on my Garmin, I got an enormous sense of accomplishment. I felt great for powering through and not allowing negative self talk to stop my efforts.

Since the run, I've been thinking...why? Why didn't I stop? I could have done the run on Saturday. I AM so happy that it's done for the week. But what if I am having a great running day on Saturday?

I've been pondering this all morning. When people have sucky runs DO they stop or do they power through? I normally get very stubborn and when I say I am doing X amount of miles, I do X amount of miles. But is that always smart training? I wasn't in pain past 2 miles, but I was not feeling the best. So is it silly to keep going or is it heroic? LOL.

I can guess why I had such a bad run:
1. I wasn't mentally prepared for a longer run.
2. I did not properly fuel.
3. I had drank a lot of water that day, but obviously, I may have been a bit dehydrated.
4. I was probably due for a bad run.

Sticking to it Monday!

I stuck to my goal and went to Body Pump this evening. I heard mixed reviews about this new release, but I liked it best of all the body pump classes. The squats and lunges are intense, but I actually really liked them. My favorite are the dumbbell clings. I always feel so powerful when I do them!

I also have done well with my eating. I snacked a bit too much, but no sugar!

Since February is right around the corner, I've been thinking about goals I'd like to set. I need to ruminate a bit more on them and then decide on what they will be.

Today was an overall good day :) Let's hope the rest of the week follows suit.

Tomorrow-spin! I do not want to get up at 5am, but it will feel so good to have it all done by 7am. I also plan on hitting the TM to either run or walk or combo 2 miles.

Sometimes BAD runs turn GOOD!

I promised myself when I started this blog, I'd talk about the good and bad of running. I read a lot of running blogs and I get frustrated at the fact that some of these peeps never have a bad run (at least they never talk about it)! I am one of the lucky few who have more bad runs than good, so I told myself I'd talk about them.

So here I go.

Like I said this morning, I had to meet my group for speed work this afternoon. I was supposed to meet them at 1-1:15. Like always, I took too long to get ready; stuff started popping up before I left the house--important stuff, like laundry, that couldn't wait til i got home; I lost my running shoes--read: I was rushing and put them down and forget where I put them (on top of the washing machine!); I forgot a snack, water...you get the picture. As if that wasn't bad enough, I get in my car and see "15 miles til empty"--gaah!!

I sent a hurried Facebook message to my girls to let them know I'd be majorly late and to start without me. 

I get to the park...and no one was there. The entrance we meet at was closed. 

So...my first instinct was to get back in my car and head home. Obviously, the run wasn't meant to be, right?!? But I knew that would mean that I'd have to get up tomorrow morning to do my run. So wanting to be lazy tomorrow beat out wanting to be lazy today.

I told myself I'd do 3 miles. 3 laps around the park. 

This park is particularly hilly. I knew I had a few tough workouts so I did not want to kill myself.

My first lap was ok, I started a bit slower but I made myself pick up the pace. The park has no shade and it was hot! The sun would come out and then the clouds would cover it. I got through the first mile without too much fanfare. The first mile always sucks for me, anyway.

For the second mile, I decided to veer off of the loop and go to a straight (flat) portion of  the trail. About .2 miles in, I knew I needed to stop. I started getting dizzy and my calves cramped up! I stopped, stretched and took off again. I stopped again at about 1.75 miles--stretched, caught my breath...then kept going to mile 2.

For the third mile, I only had to stop twice. Things were feeling better, but I was hot and it was windy!!

After I got to mile 3, I went to my car for water. I drank and rested a second and told myself I'd do one more loop around the hilly part.

So...I set off to do it. I was going to walk, but I was ready to go...so I sprinted/walked it. Something took over me and I had the greatest interval splits. I even saw 8:xx for a nano second. 

I've had a few runs like that--they start sucky and end up good. 

It always is a lesson to me that persistence and never giving up is the key.

Oh and I also learned that TM running is just not the same as outdoor running for me.  I must get another outdoor run in before the weekend. Someone beat me over the head when I try to avoid it. Please and thanks!

Ok, now I can start the sunday chore of LAUNDRY!! Ex-ci-ting!! Don't be jealous :)

Sunday! A start of a new week

I love Sunday's. It always feels like a new beginning. 

My Sunday will be spent relaxing, conquering hills at the park, and then cleaning. I will also make lunches for next week. I am going to make this lasagna from skinny taste.

http://www.skinnytaste.com/2009/02/zucchini-lasagna.html

I will also commit to my regular 5 days a week of exercise. Here is my tentative schedule:

Monday-Body Pump
Tuesday-Spin, and maybe 1-2 miles on the TM.
Wednesday-DOR-my favorite day of the week!
Thursday-Run (3-4 miles)
Friday-HIIT workout in the AM or spin
Saturday-long run

Friday may morph into a DOR. I normally do speed training with my group on Sunday, so I will probably drop Friday to rest up for a weekend of running.

I normally hate to read my horoscope or anything of the like. But lately, I guess I've been wanting/needing confirmation about my life, so I've been reading it more. Well, today is Chinese new year and I stupidly looked up my predictions. Two words describe it: Not Good. In all aspects-Money, relationship, work, family and health- I have bad predictions. At first it depressed me, but then I realized that stuff almost wants you to have a buy in for it. I have decided that I will live my life the way I planned it for the year. I can't predict when bad things will happen, so why should I prepare for a sucky year? I decided that this year will be great, so I will do everything in my power to make it as great as possible. 

I thought this picture was good for today. We have to set goals and attain them. No matter how much it hurts. 

I'm going to spend my year proving those silly predictions wrong! (please no one tell me how their predictions were right ;))

So with that said, have a great Sunday! 

Saturday fun day!

Today has been a long full day! It all started this morning when I woke up to meet my BGR girls for a run. The park that we were scheduled to meet at is a new park that I've never been to. I got lost! On the way there, it was drizzling and as I got closer and closer to the location of the park, the rain got harder. 

The temps were reading like this:

So I decided to punk it out and hit the dry gym.

I went to spin with maniac Marcus. His class was intense. After 50 mins, I was spent...but I promised myself I'd do at least 2 miles on the TM. So I did. It was not fast or effortless, but it felt good to stick to my word.

When I got home, my sister let me know that my dad had bought donuts. I tried one, but it just didn't taste like they normally do, so I threw the rest away. Win for me!

After being lazy all morning, and half the afternoon, I went to watch my sister play basketball.

 Shock (her team) won...no shock in that. They've only lost 2 games.

After the game, my mom and I went to "my" new house to check it out and see what needs to be done. The contractors she hired did A LOT, but there still needs a bit more work. So once they finish, I can clean and move in. Woohoo...soo real, soo scary. I'm mostly freaked out about money. But it's time. 

I am so excited to decorate. I am already thinking about color schemes in the kitchen and living room. My room will be off white, lime green and black. I'm thinking my living room will be burnt pink, brown, and red. Not sure about the kitchen? Suggestions? I may use this blog as a place to test out decorating ideas.

On to other stuff-

I have only worked out 4 times this week. I'm still a bit disappointed in myself for allowing myself to take off on Wednesday. I know it's silly. So I am trying not to dwell. Tomorrow I have a speed workout scheduled with some ladies.

This is a funny pic of this guy I watch in the TM at my gym. He comes every morning, put the TM at a super high speed, and basically glides over the belt. He never actually makes contact. He also stops it's every few minutes. It's so weird!

I hope everyone had a nice Saturday! Mine has been chill and cool :)

Staying accountable Thursday

I have been struggling with my no diet rule for this year. I almost rejoined a WL challenge that I was apart of last year. I feel like I have no anchor. I need an anchor! I didn't want to make my blog about food only, but I think I may start photo journalling my food on the blog, just so I feel accountable somewhere. I was journalling my food on MFP, but it's getting old to me and I want a change. So you guys may just start seeing nasty food pics. I hate food picture. I probably will just write what I've eaten at the end of the day.

Last night I didn't run. I gave in to the, "I want to go home, I'm so hungry, it's late" vibes.

This morning, I woke up and did intervals on the TM.

It felt really good. I was dreading the run, I've been dreading a lot of runs lately. But when I started jogging, I felt my passion for running come back. It felt so good! I only did 3.2 this morning. My aim is 5 miles for the day. I will get out there this evening for the remaining 2 miles.

Now it's off to work time!

I feel like this:

Princesses shouldn't have to work!!!

Failure...what's to fear?

"It is hard to fail, but worse never to have tried to succeed" ~Theodore Roosevelt

The other day I was messaging with a friend who is just starting her running career. She asked some logistical questions, but then she also said, "I am so afraid of failing. Things normally come easy for me, but this isn't easy." I responded back with something like, "Life is full of failures, it's how you deal with them." She is a determined chick, so I know she will be fine.

I have been thinking about the notion of failure since that conversation. The fear of failure is not only expressed with fitness and dieting, it's also expressed for school, work, relationships, etc. I often wonder what causes fear to be so high in some, and low in others. Sometimes I see people go into hard things and conquer it with very little self doubt. Then there are times I see others (like myself) question the heck out of everything.

Whenever I start something new, my immediate thought is, 'what if I don't keep this up.' Behind that thought, is a tiny bit of fear of failure. I always remind myself that it's 'ok' to start something and stop. It does't mean that I've failed. It just means that I need to re-evaluate my goals. Are they set too high? Are they realistic to MY personal situation? Where is my level of committment? Did I set this goal to compete with another person? Usually when I go through these questions, I either persist with my original goal or change things to make the goal attainable.

I think our biggest issue is that we measure ourselves against another person, not our own person. Thus, when we don't meet another person's level of activity, fitness, weight, whatever, we automatically tell ourselves we have failed. 

So with that, the point is,

1. It's ok to "fail." Dusting yourself off and starting over is the key to success.

and

2. You can't fail if you don't start. SO start. Make an uncomfortable change and see what happens!

I like to live by this, I failed my way to success. (T. Edison)

And Success is so sweet, isn't it?

Today after work, I must get to the gym to either do an interval run or a tempo run. I need to see what my plan calls for. I've not been doing all of my scheduled runs. I have been feeling really run down lately. I've been doing what I want with regards to exercise. Today I feel like running, so I will run.

Tomorrow I'd like to try Zumba Toning. I probably will also do a short run in the morning.

Also, I am moving! I am so excited. When I moved back to Houston, I temporarily moved back in with my parents. Well, temporary lasted 2 yrs. It was a good two years. But it's time to move on...so, I am moving on! I am renting out one of my parent's rental properties. It's been vacant for a year, so lots of cleaning and painting needs to be done to it. I will start that process this weekend. yay! The house needs some TLC. I am looking forward to making it my own.

I also am looking forward to getting a dog, and moving in :)

Have a good Wednesday!!

The weekend of indulges...

I just got back from a fun weekend away. I spent the weekend in San Marcos. I went down with my sisters, my niece and my mother. We used to do trips like this all of the time, but as my sister and I have gotten older, we don't do girl's trips as much. So we all decided to get away for the weekend.

Like all family trips, we laughed, cried, fought, and ATE.

We are all eaters in my family, so we all sort of center vacation around dessert and eating. Since my NY resolution was giving up sweets (80/20), I knew I'd probably indulge. However, I didn't want to pig out. I did eat past satisfaction saturday night. Sunday night, I was able to reign it in a bit.  Monday...I had full on "I don't care" moment, and had a piece of apple pie after my dinner.

When I got up this morning, I felt bloated and remorseful. I went through three pairs of pants before finding one that didn't hurt to button. I vowed to never indulge again!

We all know how that goes...

On the way to work, when I wasn't so charged about not being able to fit my pants, I realized that indulging was ok. I also had a lightbulb moment. So many people say to eat/think like a skinny person. I used to always think, 'but skinny people hardly eat'...this morning I realized, skinny people DO indulge. However, after they indulge, they 'detox'. I am not sure if it's a conscious decision, but you rarely see thin/healthy people indulging everyday.

So...for the next few days, I will be 'detoxing'...no crazy detoxes, but just not eating sweets (going back to my resolution). I will also be eating cleaner foods in an effort to reduce some bloat.

This morning I got up and went to Spin. It was such a great class! I felt bloated and gross, but it felt good to be moving.

Partially Wordless Wednesday!

You guys know how much I like to talk and explain. I can't do Wordless Wednesday without explaining the pics. These are pics I've taken over the last week that I thought were cute!

Nana and Addy at the Basketball Game.

We cheer, they text ;)

Actually, Addy has Nana wrapped around her finger.

Addy decided that she wanted to watch Caillou, so Nana hopped to it and found an episode on Youtube. 

This is this morning.

Carrington asked for my iPhone, I told her "sure."

So she snapped this pic for her home screen shot.

Ha.

Carrington I was JOKING. You aren't getting my phone ;)

This is a new game I have for the kids I work with.

It's called, "Breaking the Ice."

A set of kids and I had a few intense sessions with this game.

I snapped a few of our games. This is one right before the ice was broken.

This is Carrington's team before the last quarter,

Right before they won! Go Shock!!

The little girl (number 3) standing up is going to be in the WNBA. She is an awesome player!

The rest of the girls have heart and put up a good effort.

Addy after the game.

Fashionista!

A girl who was inactive all of her life now has two pairs of workout shoes.

Running shoes and Gym shoes.

Today feels all new and optimistic like. I am sort of unsure about some things. I have to start studying for a licensure exam in March. I am not sure what I will do career wise after that...that has me a little shaky, but other than that, I feel good and optimistic.

I was thinking about my next year. I have so many new adventures! I can't wait to start them. My number one thing I am on pins and needles about is the NYC marathon. When I entered the lotto, I was unsure as to whether or not I really wanted to do it. Now it's all I can think about. I know the odds of me getting in are not in my favor, but I am so excited about the thought! I just can't wait to start training, and run the thing!

My body hurts from head to toe from the workouts I've done this week. However, I am still excited about my workout this evening. It's the last day of Athletic Training. I love that class the most because it's interactive. I am going to miss it. I also need to do some form of cardio. I hate running on the TM, but I may end up doing that for 30 mins before AT starts.

My eating continues to improve. Yesterday I was SO hungry. I ate all day. I did choose healthy things. I also did NOT eat the cookies that were sitting on the counter screaming my name when I got home. As each day passes, this low sugar thing gets easier and easier. Yesterday, the only form of processed sugar I had one was one tiny bliss square and the Natural Creamer in my coffee. I didn't even feel the need to get into my yogurt covered almonds or raisins that I have on standby for emergency cravings.

Change is coming...

I have been contemplating change a lot lately. I think 2010 was the catalyst to the changes I needed to make in my life. I think 2011 was the year that I contemplated and started doing some changes. I think 2012 is the year I will actually implement the changes that I feel I need to make in my life. It's hard to believe that it took me two years to finally feel like I am on my feet. Why don't these things happen faster? I guess it may just be my personality, I always take 6-8 months to adjust to a new situation.

Anyway, a lot of change is happening in my life.

First and foremost, 'the diet' thing, I've been thinking about this a lot and I have decided that one of my goals is to stop telling people I need to lose weight. It's become such a common thing to throw out, "What are you eating for lunch?", "Oh, I am having a salad, I need to lose weight!"...gaah, I am sick of hearing myself say this. I have been saying this for the last 5 or so years. I have fought the good fight with the last 20 pds. It's finally won. I am not going to 'try' to lose any weight. I will continue to eat healthy. Hence, the low sugar and intuitive eating thing, which is going amazingly well. My stomach appears SO flat. Bonus!!!

Second, my fitness level. I have been a runner for the last 5 or so years. I don't want to say I've half assed this running thing, but I definitely haven't given it my all. I don't always work to compacity. I've gotten into this lazy pattern of slogging. I am sick of being a slogger. I want to be a RUNNER. So I am changing that, and going to start running on a consistent basis. Every now and then the runner in me comes out and I surprise myself. I am going to get her to make consistent appearances in my running life. On saturday, I kept repeating to myself, "It's SUPPOSED to hurt, run faster!"...it worked, for the most part.

Third, MEN...this year, I did not make a wish at NYE to have a boyfriend by V-day. I think I've had that wish for the last 10 years. I've always dated SOMEONE around V-day, but have never had a boyfriend on V-day. I take that back, I've had a boyfriend maybe 2 of the past 10 years. However, I have never been treated to anything special on V-day. It's acutally become a day I hate. But this year, I have decided that I will stop--ok decrease--the bellyaching about not having a special someone. Bellyaching is not attractive. So I need to shut it.

With the men goal, I have decided that my standards are standards that I want to have, but not live and die by. I am going to start evaluating men on a whole--not on some silly standard I've set forth. I swear my pickiness is WHY I am single. If a man's head is oddly shaped, I will nix him. This year, I will give every guy--ok, not every guy--but most guys a try.

I will also cut dead weight. I had a guy I dated last year text me on Saturday. I responded, but the conversation went the way it always goes--him acting all interested, me getting annoyed because he doesn't want what I want, him getting annoyed at me not playing his game, me getting annoyed for him playing games...so I am going to stop responding to the silly men!!

I also need to cut some unhealthy ties with one guy in particular. It's just a lingering relationship that provides no pleasure to my life, but the occasional jolly. Not what I need. TMI-yes.

Fourth, I want to stop being so selfish. I swear for a Social Worker, I am really selfish. I am going to stop being selfish with my family. They allow me to be pretty selfish and I need to stop that.

Hmm..I think that's all the change this girl can take. I hate change, but it needs to come.

Want to know what brought this on? This morning on the way to work, I heard this song:



I listen to this song all of the time. And I knew it was about Change, but I never really listened to the lyrics. It's all about Holding On, because Change is coming. I realized that while listening to this song, you have to make the changes you want in your life. I think I am pretty good at making things happen for myself, but there are times when I allow myself to be a passive observant of my life. I need to stop that and take the bull by the horns. I am going to make an effort to stop this behavior. Change is coming!!

It's Monday! You know what that means...you get to hear me rambling ;)

This weekend was a pretty uneventful weekend. I met up with my wonderful Black Girls Run group on saturday and had a mostly great 5.7 mile run. 

The run started off awesome. I went into it worried that I would be in pain or not able to sustain a long run because I had not ran in 2+ weeks. But I started and it was great! I started to lose energy towards the end of the run, but it energized me and made me happy that it was so effortless. I also got to run with a new girl. It was funny because I was chatting it up with her while we were running. About a mile in, she looks at me and says, "I really can't run and talk at the same time" lol. Sorry. So I shut up and just supported her when she wanted to stop. Eventually, she joined a group of walkers and I took off ahead of them. I ran mostly alone, but that's ok. I felt the presence of the group, but got the rejuvenation of alone/thinking time. 

On the way home from the run, I got a massive headache. By the time I got home, and cleaned alittle, the headache turned into a full on headache, throat-ache, sneeze fest. Needless to say, I got in bed and didn't get out until yesterday afternoon. I had to skip my planned hills workout, because I was so sick. Dr. Mom dx'd me with having an allergy attack and gave me some benedryl. I feel about 85% better.

This morning, I set my alarm to go out for a few miles of sprints...but I woke up and heard a lot of thundering and lightening. I cut my alarm off and when I woke up the second time, I saw this:

It got worse as I was about to leave for work. There is a tornado watch, so I'm home until it clears up. Score! I needed a day of rest/relaxation. I hate missing work, though. :(

>>>I meant to finish writing this earlier, but I completely forgot <<<

This afternoon, I was able to do a little bit of work. The roads were really bad, so I tried to stay safe!

I also went to the gym for an hr and a half of body pump and intervals. The intervals before body pump was a mixed blessing. I was done by the end of body pump. 

Also, as a bonus, I got to see Lamar pumping iron lol. He didn't see me at first, but he made sure to come by and scope me out in class. I sent him a nice, "stop stalking me" text after class. Lol...

Alright...spin is at 5:30am, so I'm turning in early. 

My no sugar challenge

I started my no sugar challenge on Sunday. I was still in New York, but decided that I needed to start. I got through most of the day, but my loving best friend decided to tempt me with almond cookies. I had one.

Soo…my official start was on Tuesday. I have made it through each day without eating anything that triggers my brain to binge. I have also noticed that when I eat certain things, I get a comfort feeling in my brain. Last night, I decided to mix some Fruity Pebbles in my yogurt. I ate a few out of the box, and I felt a warmth come over my body. It scared me. So, fruity pebbles are crossed off my acceptable food list. Yes, I realize cereal is high in sugar, but I wasn’t sure if it was trigger or not. It did. So no more!

I started this challenge with myself because I realized that sugar is not my friend. I have struggled with the binge feelings for several years. When I lived alone, I binged/purged a lot. Since living with people, I have naturally not binged as much, but it is still an issue. Last year, for several months I gave up sugar, sweeteners and salt—my intent for doing this was weight loss. When I didn’t get below my magic stalling number of 168, I went slowly back to my friend, sugar. I did manage to maintain not adding salt or sweeteners to my food, but the admittance of sugar back into my diet sent my body into an on-going binge.

In November, after several encounters with too much sugar, I decided that in the New Year, I was giving up sugar.

When I made this goal, I spent the next two months eating as much sugar as I want. What addict doesn’t go on one last bender?

While I was on my sugar binge, I had a lot of time to think about what I wanted out of this. I decided that losing weight is secondary to the need to FEEL healthy, lighter and run faster.

So my goal for this year is not to cut the sugar out to lose weight (although, body, it would be a nice bonus ;)), it’s to FEEL better. I think shifting the goal from weight (can’t control) to a feeling (can control) it’s helped me to get through this week.

I was going to go through a detox and really take everything out of my diet, but I decided that was crazy. So for this week, I’ve allowed myself a small amount of savory treats when I have really bad cravings. I have had some pretty mean cravings, so a few chips or a small pc of dark chocolate has been a welcomed relief.

I’ve also noticed that I have been a raving bitch and a paranoid freak all week! I am hoping that as the time passes, this too shall pass. Last night, I am not proud to say, that I totally freaked out on my little sister for making noise with the dog. Looking back, I was tired and I wanted SOMETHING, I should have closed myself in my room and went to sleep. After last night, I realized that this isn’t going to be a cakewalk. It’s taking dedication and me finding alternate ways to handle when I am upset.

Since I need to go basic with myself, I bought a calendar and stickers to mark my good and bad days. I need to build in incentives. I’d love to give myself a few dollars a week for good behavior, but I have so many big things coming up this year, that it is best if I save as much as possible. So far, just seeing more stickers than L has helped me.

I have made a list of acceptable sweet things:

Dark Chocolate. I buy the Bliss Dark Chocolate squares and have a few a day. The dark chocolate is not sweet enough to trigger me, but it’s sweet enough to help me through a bad craving.

Yogurt covered pretzels. This is just in extreme cases of needing something. I am not crazy about pretzels, so I doubt this will become a habit.

Peppermint sticks. I bought a few small ones to eat when I want something in my mouth.

Creamer in my coffee. I don’t add sweeteners to my coffee, but I love creamer. I have switched to the natural sweetener, which is not as sweet as the others.

This list will be modified throughout the year. I will test different stuff out and omit or add.

My goal for this year is to just be healthier.

With this goal, I have also decided to do intuitive eating:

Eat when I am hungry

Eat what I want

Stop when I am full

Intuitive eating will also be a work in progress.

I have decided to work on my dieting frame of mind, because I am sick of the dieting, binge, gain, lose, dieting, etc, cycle. I just want to be healthy. I want to get to my feel good weight and just maintain.

I am not expecting perfection, but I will give my best!

It's been a whirlwind kind of week! Sit down with a cup of coffee or something because this will be a long post!

This will be a New York City recap of sorts!

Just to rewind, I moved to New York City at the very young age of 20. I went to both undergraduate and graduate school up East. While there, I also worked at several different jobs, grew up, met wonderful friends and made New York City my home. Every year around the holidays I go up to visit my New York 'families'. I have several friends in NYC, but my two 'families' are the familes of friends who basically took me in and made me feel like New York was my home.

When I arrived on Saturday, I stayed with my friend Phyllis and her family in Long Island. I only stayed with them 2 nights, but it was so nice to be back at their house. I love their family, because it reminds me of my own. Loving, but chaotic. My friend has a 3 year old, so we did some traditional stuff with him.

We attempted to make a Gingerbread House. This was our finished product:

The kids (and I) ate more candy than we put on the gingerbread house. We also used way too much frosting on the house, but it was so fun.

You can't tell me this doesn't look like a face of excitement:

On Monday evening, after a LOONG day of shopping, I went to my friend Zoi's House.

Zoi and I went to SJU together and have been friends for several years. In our college days, we were eating and drinking buddies, but since getting older, we have matured and now have 'healthy' snacks:

That's right, we ate pickles, hummus, pita chips and cheese the first night while chatting til the wee hours of the morning.

Our old snacks always consisted of Double Stuff Oreos and Skim Milk and chips. Oh and lots of alcohol.

We did have alcohol this time, also...but there is no photo evidence of that.

The week at her house was quite, quite, QUITE eventful. I will not go into it, but we spent many days here:

No, no neither of us were in criminal trouble. But I will just say drugs are a terrible thing! It can ruin a family. While this was not what we intended to do all week, I am glad I was there to support my friend and her family through a tough situation. The precinct provided plenty of laughs!

The 114th precinct holds a special place in my heart, because it is the first place I ever dealt with when I started my career in Human Services. When I was in ugrad, I had to do an internship. My first outing as a baby caseworker was to drop off a kid to the 114th. The social worker I was with, left me at the precinct. She must have thought since I lived in NYC, I actually knew how to get around the city. WRONG! That day was the first day I had ever ridden public transportation alone. Scary!

Anyway, my trip was very nice. I was able to visit several friends.

First I met up with my Jersey friend, Kristen:

Kristen and I met on a message board that shall remain UNNAMED, and have become close friends. She is one of my only single friends. I so enjoy having her to bouce my crazy off of! It was the first time we met, and we hit it off instantly (like I knew we would!). We are going to DC for a half marathon in March. I can't wait to have several days to talk non-stop ;)

Zoi also came with us to the city. She was only mildly alarmed that Kristen and I had never met before LOL

Aside from meeting up with Kristen, I also met up with my old roomie and a college friend. Sorry, I completely forgot to take pics. However, it was SO good to get together with them. I hadn't seen Paula in 2 years and Blanca in about 8 years! It was a great evening of gabbing and catching up. Paula and Blanca didn't know each other, but they hit it off! Nice night of gabbing about men and the single life. Although, Paula is close to marriage now!

It's funny, Paula and I used to hang out with two other girls. We called ourselves the ethnic Sex in the City. We were four girls looking for love.We went out together a lot. Anyway, when I moved out of the City, Paula said, 'watch you will be married within the year.'...well, about 6 months after I moved back home, she called me and told me she met a guy. Now 2 years later, THEY are talking marriage. SO happy for her! Now will my husband PLEASE stand up ;)

On NYE, my friends Zoi and Danny had a house party. We had about 10 people. It was SO much fun. All of the friends there met through Zoi, but we have all become a fun group to hang out with. Lots of laugh, lots of liquor, and lots of fun.

These were my hosts for the week. Danny looks so hardcore in his ear muffs, right?

Zoi and Danny are getting married this year. I feel like I've watched their relationship grow into such a good thing. I am so excited for them. Zoi and I also went dress shopping. No pics of the dresses, obviously. She looked beautiful though. I had stifle back the tears. On 10/19/12, I fear we will all be blubbering messes.

Other highlights from my trip:

I wore red underwear on NYE. Kristen told me that we had to wear red. Red is supposed to bring love to your life. I took choosing a pair of underswear very seriously. I ended up choosing a pair of red lace trimmed undies with roses on them. In my head, they signified love, stability, romance, flirtiness and playfulness. All things I'd like in a relationship.

It was warm. Last year when I went, there was a snowstorm. This year when I went, I was able to leave the house without a coat a few days. Felt so good.

Bagels. I had the best bagel ever from Brooklyn Bagel.

My DL was left at VS. When I was leaving on Monday morning, I realized that my ID was MIA! Turns out when I opened the VS card, the lady never gave me my DL back. Thankfully, they were very nice and FedExed it back to me. They also sent me a 30% off my next purchase coupon. Score! More red undies for my lovah ;)

I hardly slept. I didn't go to sleep until 2-3 most nights. I am SO tired, but it was SO worth it.

I started my no sugar challenge. I started my challenge on 1/1. I didn't make it through the day, but knowing I was starting the challenge helped me choose my sugar wisely.

I ate too much. I ate my way through NYC. However, I don't care. I go once a year and NY has too much good food! I love the different ethnic food.

I laughed a lot. I laughed and laughed and laughed. It was good for my soul. 

I didn't run. I packed a few running pants to run. But I never made it out for a run. I am glad I didn't. I was on vacation. My body needed a rest. I did discover that running tights make great leggings ;)

I had so much fun and can't wait to go back!!

Happy 2012!

Last night we partied hard. I'm up with a tiny bit of a hangover and I am ready to start this whole no refined sugar thing.

I'm a little too tipsy to elaborate now, but HAPPY NEW YEAR!

And I'm starting today, because:

More later!