I am so bad...and boring!

I started a post here a few weeks ago, the computer ate my post...so, I did what all normal people would do. I closed the browser and focused on something else :P

Since I last posted, a lot has gone on.

The long and short of it?

I've been in two weddings--Congrats to the Ceron's and the Waters'!

I've gained some poundage back--boo to those pounds!

I've done A LOT of decorating--love that! It's so fun!

I've proscratinated on studying for my licensure test--boo!

Finally, I've started running again :)

I think the last time I posted here, I was still running. However, I stopped. Like, stopped all together. I went to spin, walked a bit...but, no running.

I've returned to this sport and I love it. I am now running with my dog, a black lab. Oh yea, not sure I ever posted that here. I got a black lab in May. He is so sweet and a great running buddy.

We I am training for a half in December. I was sort of dreading it, but now I am excited about it.

I am also doing a lot of re-thinking my food intake. While I was absent, I got pulled back into a dark eating place. I am proud to say that I am clawing my way out. It's been 2-3 weeks and no binging :)

So...with that, I will return to blogging.

Confessions of a silent blogger

I can't believe it's been a month since I last posted!

In my defense, I started a post about 2 weeks ago, but didn't hit send. My ADHD went in overdrive and I was doing a million and one other things while trying to post and just forgot about hitting send...

I think the post was about self sabotage...

Yea, that's me...I have been doing amazingly well on WW, and then bam, I self sabotage.

I am coming back from a very bad binge I had last week.

Right before the binge, I had actually had a very good WW week. I hit my 5% and 10 pd lost. I was feeling good. I got through a weekend of temptation eating...and then BAM, Tuesday, I was driving home and the *feeling* just hit me.

People look at me like I am crazy when I say I feel like I am an addict when I am in binge mode. It's like a physical feeling that takes over me. The feeling starts in my arms and then goes to the pit of my stomach. When I eat what I am craving, it's like that need inside of me is physically met.

Anyway, I got that feeling on the way home...I told myself, I would get something small. I had some skittles that were leftover in my car (from like 4 months ago), I ate those and told myself to stop. I kept saying, "eat a few and be done"...as I was putting handfuls in my mouth.

Then I stopped at the store under the guise of getting a Redbox movie. Funny thing is, I have moved into the new house and I can't find my DVD player. So...really, was I going to get a movie?

I got to the store and told myself, "something small"... I ended up buying a pack of generic oreos and Popchips.

I ate a few cookies in my car and I kept saying to myself "these aren't even good, it's not hitting the spot"....but I kept eating and eating.

When I got home, I bypassed the Popchips and went straight for the unopened back of Tortilla chips left over from my sister's shower.

I felt sick.

I vowed that I'd do better the next. The next day (fourth of July), I even started out well...

Then, I went to my parent's house for a BBQ and started with the junk.

Needless to say, I went to bed feeling gross and disgusted in myself on wednesday night.

I am now dealing with that disgusting feeling of feeling fat and full.

I have regained all but 5 of what I had lost...and it's not coming off.

What the heck is wrong with me?

I have really been evaluating myself lately.

I was reading a weight loss board I go to and someone said that they feel entitled to eat. That's me!

It's like I feel like it's my right to overindulge/binge.

I am really working on this mindset and I am going to try to focus on not feeling entitled to eat. Overeating is not a good feeling. It's gross. So, why should I feel ENTITLED to make myself feel gross?

I did not intend for this post to be about binging...but I guess that's what I've been avoiding for the last days.

It feels good to get that out!

Now, onward and downward :)

Happy National Run Day!

Sorry I've been MIA the last few days...ok, few weeks. I've been busy at work, and I don't like blogging from my iPad at home. I need to get a computer at home. When I do, watch out!

In the meantime, it's National Running Day!!

I started the day off with a nice, fast (for me) 3 mile run. It was awesome. I got a little gastric distress towards the end, so I ended the run right AT 3 miles. I got a new pair of shoes, which helped the awesome-ness of this run.


Oh, happy day...I needed a good run.

I decided to write 5 reasons why I like to run in honor of National Running Day. On the way to work, I told myself I'd right 25 reasons...but as I was thinking about the reasons, I only came up with 5. So...

1. I run for fitness. Running for fitness goes without saying, but I thought I would mention it. I run because it keeps me fit and healthy.

2. I run for my sanity. I have a very high stress job...well, when I started running, I HAD a high stress job. I left that job, and while my job is low stress, it takes a lot out of me emotionally. I run as my me time. I am therapist by day, so I give a lot of myself to others. I take on a lot of other's problems. I need an outlet for my own problems--running fits that bill. When I run, I can daydream, I can service plan, I can plan weddings, I can plan to take over the world, I can plan a family, I can plan so much and it is always done perfectly and on point in my 'rundreams.' I feel refreshed and sane when I finish a run.

3. I run to lift my booty and reduce the size of my legs. I have a large lower body. My butt and legs are ONLY reduced by running. I've tried to stop running and do other stuff, but my butt and legs come back with a vengeance. So...I run to keep them in check.

4. I run to attain new physical goals.

5. I run to brag. 'nuff said about that.

Notice I didn't say "I run to eat"...many people say this, and it makes me roll my eyes. I gain weight when I run and eat what I want. I think running to eat is a bit of a myth ;)

Happy Running Day!!!

Get your run on!

Dear God, it's me, the slogger

I don't really have a topic to write on this week, but I thought I'd do a confessions style blog.

Here are all my ran-dumb thoughts for the week, day, hour, minute:

1. I lost 1.6 at WI on wednesday. I am in WL challenge, and WI'd in for that this morning. I lost another .2 since wednesday, bringing my total weight loss for the week to 2 pds. Whoop!

2. My house has to be completely re-wired (electricity)...the first phase of that is happening tomorrow. I've never been so excited to see a new breaker box sitting in my living room. We are hoping that the new breaker box will kick the AC on, at least for one summer!

3. Weddings are expensive. No, I am not even getting married...just have two very close people in my life who have chosen to get married within 3 months of each other. I AM super excited about getting dressed up and standing up with my girls. I am also excited about throwing my sister a bridal shower, buying something she has wanted for a long time as her shower gift, and giving my sister's wedding speech. It's going to be so cool to see my older sister get married. I mean, we are still kids, right? I can't even imagine us being old enough to get married. I am equally excited about my bestfriend's wedding. It is a different feeling for her wedding vs. my sister's, though.

4. I have had a good running week this week:
Monday-3.1 Recovery run
Tuesday-Spin
Wednesday-rest
Thursday-3 miles of speed work-.5 w/u, .2, .4, .6, .2, .2, .2, cool down jog. I ran the intervals at a pace between 9:40 and 9:22. My fat legs were booking it!
Friday-strength training (will do tonight)
Saturday-6 mile run (planned)

5. Men are so funny and weird. I am in a weird place with regards to relationships. I am FINALLY settled and not 'searching.' It's a freeing, good feeling. I love not feeling that yearning every moment of every day. I have had some interesting conversations with men lately and it's so nice to hear their perspective. It also solidifies what I want and need. Must.Not.Settle.

6. I love my new puppy. He is just a big ball of love and so sweet. This morning he tried to climb his very big self into my lap while I was eating breakfast. I love when he has his innocent puppy eyes on. So cute!

7. I also love my kitty. She is such a constant in my life. Never leaves my side and always seems to know when I need lovin'. She hates her brother, though. Her brother is afraid of her, too. He cracks us all up when he is running from her. It's sheer terror, which is funny because she is about 10 pds and he is about 50.

8. I really want to be a WW leader. When I sat in my first meeting since returning, the feeling of being a leader just hit me. I have gotten comments about me being a leader before, but it was never what I wanted to do. However, now the feeling is SO real. I am hoping that carries me to goal. I would love to run a 100+ meeting. I love seeing people lose very large amounts of weight without any interventions. It's grueling, it takes a long time, it's rewarding. I want to someday help others get to their goals!

9. I am having so many daydreams about sitting on my patio, sipping wine. I can't wait to move in!

10. I want a garden. Like a huge flower and vegatable garden. Must make that happen.

10+1. I bought a lot of paint this weekend. I am trying my hand at painting some wooden furniture my mom was going to throw out. That can be a disaster. ;)

I am looking forward to a good, sunny, productive weekend!

Weekend Eats Report

Some bloggers do race reports.

I do Eat Reports.

Let's start with Friday.

I started the day with a 30 min full body workout. I hurt all over. But felt so good. I went into the day knowing I would be challenged with my eating. I had three different eating out engagements.

My friend wanted to meet for lunch, my coworkers planned happy hour, and my soon-to-be brother-in-law wanted to go out to eat with a few friends for his birthday. Lots of planning and worrying.

Due to time constraints, lunch with my friend was cancelled. I ended up picking up a soup from Whole Foods on the way into my office. Happy Hour was also good. I was starving so I went ahead and ate dinner plus had ONE drink. It helped that my coworkers also only had one round...so it didn't look awkward to just have one round of drinks. Dinner was good, also. I didn't eat with the crew, but I had a small piece of cake. I went to bed feeling GOOD. I stuck to my plan!

Saturday started out with a 5 mile run. I also had plans to go look at a 9 month old Lab puppy. I had to drive about an hr and a half out of town to pick him up. So I ate a snack on the way out. My sister wanted to stop somewhere on the way home. I ended up stopping at Wendy's and got a small frosty and a small chili. My parents had been out of town for a week, so they wanted to go out to dinner when they got home. We went to TX Roadhouse. I really wanted ribs. So I got the Ranger Meal Rib Basket. 4 baby back ribs and fries (yes, fries). I did NOT eat a roll! I did have another piece of birthday cake and a bite of Reese's PB egg. I went to bed feeling good again.

Sounds good, right?

Well, then Sunday had to come and ruin the brag.

It starts really well. I had a good breakfast, took my new puppy for a walk (yes, I got him!)...then I had to go to my house to let the electrician in to do the electrical work I need done so I can FINALLY move. Umm...guy wasn't there. Stayed there until 10. Finally I got a voicemail saying his mom had a stroke and he wouldn't be coming. Can I have ANY worse luck with regards to this house??

I was in a bad mood all day, pretty much.

I tried to control myself. We went to Costco and I rationed my samples. I also got one scoop of Pistachio Gelato. That stuff is CALORIC! When I went to journal, I ended up with no points, plus going into my weeklies and I didn't even eat dinner.

I basically said, eff it, and ate 2 heaping spoonfuls of Biscoff Spead, 2 mini butterfingers and 1 devil's food cake.

I felt SICK and pissed at myself last night. What type of rationale is it to FURTHER over eat when I was out of points?

I am taking to public humilation. I wrote a note to myself and outlined WHAT I ate and made it my lockscreen on my phone.

This morning is a new week. I am scared that I won't have a loss...but I am going to give it a good try until Wednesday.

In other news:

I got a puppy. His name is Sam, Sammy, Samuel or...Cash. LOL. He came to me with the name Cash. I don't really like it. I think he looks like a Sam, but sometimes Cash does come out when I call him. He is such a good dog. He knows I am his master, so he basically trots after me all day. He is also full on lab puppy. He has one speed-fast! The older dog and cat hate him. Poor thing :( I love him, though. I went from being ambivalent about getting a puppy to thrilled. He is just what I need--energetic to run with, but calm at home.

I am in my second week of operation 2:45 half marathon. I've some really good runs, but I have been sore. I need new shoes. I must get those this week, find my garmin charger--it got lost in the move, and get a camelback.

I think that's all the 'other news' I have.

Ta-ta for now!

First week back results!

I am happy to report that my first week back to Weight Watchers yielded a 6.4 loss! Yay!

I was elated when I saw the nice drop. I am elated that I have been following the program and not trying to cheat.

Yesterday we spoke about how to outsmart the grocery store. Since I have been on this journey, I typically don't buy cookies and chips (as a rule). I normally shop the periphery of the store.

However, yesterday as I was sitting in the meeting, I started to think that the junk doesn't enter my life on normal grocery shopping trips. The junk (and the extra money I spend) comes when I am craving something mid-week. I have decided to only shop once a week! I think once a week will help me not make impulse stops to the store for a bottle of wine, a box of cookies, a bag of chips, a package of twizzlers (that I ate in one sitting the week before last).

I am really going to focus on being honest with myself.

Last night at the meeting a lady made lifetime. As I saw there watching her get all of her lifetime stuff, I didn't think "she *just* lost X" pds or "she has ONLY been on the plan for a few months"...I sat there, teared up a bit (dork-alert) and was genuinely happy for her. I have finally realized that weight is hard to lose, no matter what you are losing.

I also started to envision myself up there getting my lifetime stuff. I have never really put importance on lifetime status. I think I am going to aim for goal+lifetime.

I think this time I can do it. I just have to believe in myself!

Impulsivity is dangerous

One of my many endearing character traits is impulsivity.

My mom's favorite equation to teach me when I was a kid was:

A+B=C.

A=action
B=result
C=consequence

B has never really entered my life..

My favorite equation was

A ----------- C

~I stuck a key in an electrical socket when I was 4. The whole wall turned black. Thankfully, Chrysler made their key chains with leather. Apparently leather does something or doesn't do something with electricity?
~I greased the dog with vaseline when I was 6. Like totally greased him up. My mom was less than impressed.
~I wrote on my mom's new washer and dryer when I was 8--actually, I wrote on everything from the time I could write until I went to college...probably.
~I played chicken in the street (with a friend) until I was about 10. And got caught by a neighbor.
~I always spoke before I thought.
~I decided to move to NYC on a whim.
~I decided to get a tattoo on a whim. Woke up saturday morning and decided it would be a good day for a tattoo--did that three times.
~I got a tongue ring while just on a shopping trip to the mall.

I am not listing the dumb things I have done in vain...

I am trying to make the point that I am impulsive.

I get an idea in my head and I execute it without thought...

Why am I writing about this?

Well, I was reading a blog last week. The blogger is a Iron(wo)man, a 3:09 marathoner, an *athlete*. She was chosen to be an ambassador for Underarmor's 'I am beautiful' campaign. She set a goal and will meet it in 9 week.

You know where this going right?

I decided to set a goal and attain it in 9 weeks.

I set the goal to run a 2:45 half marathon on July 14, 2012.

The goal isn't the crazy part.

The crazy part is that I am willingly running a half marathon--13.1, in TX, in JULY.

How freaking crazy is that???

I am in the midst of working up a good training plan to help me get to that goal. I will also have to focus on hydration and salt replenishing in the high heat. The race start is 6:30 and the course will close at 9:30, so I am hoping the early start will help with the heat.

Besides the heat part, I am crazy excited that I actually have a goal pace. I have run 2 half marathon's with no real thought of pace.

I am looking forward to training and executing a fun/speedy (for me) race.